My fiancee and I have agreed that a gift registry would not work for us. Our families are very old fashioned and are not to up to date. What wording can we use on our invitations, reply cards, or reception cards? We want to have a wishing well or a really nicely decorated box where we can receive either money or gift cards.
maybe you could start a bank account and name it something like "new home fund" or "1st Home fund" or something like that. this way people could just deposit money into the account knowing it's gonna help you get something you want. And they won't feel pressured into buying something expensive for your wedding because you won't know who deposited how much. i did this for my baby shower to start an education fund plus i didn't want to go through the hussle of returning what i didn't like.
I think you should have your wishing well at the reception for those who bring cards, but don't write anything on your invitations. Instead, when your guests ask your closest relative what you need, s/he can tell them then. That way they can decide to go in on something you really have your heart set on or they can put in on an envelope.
Good Luck!
I applaud you on thinking of your 1st home purchase so early in the wedding process.....Here is my suggestion, I would make a note on the invitation something like "(insert bride and grooms name here) have decided that as they begin their lives together, the most important gift contributuion they could receive from friends and family would be a monetary donation for them to use in the purchase of thier first home. A wishing well will be located at the reception hall gift table for guests to deposit their contributions."
I think it is a great idea asking for gift cards or cash, and I don't think it is rude; but, with three hundred guests someone is bound to think your idea is rude, you can't please all the people all the time! And, trust me, if your grandma wants to buy you a crock-pot, she is GOING to whether you want her to or not!
Invitiations should have no mention of gifts other than "no gifts requested". Register at a range of stores-everything from Macy's to Target to Home DEpot and if anyone ASKS you or your relatives what you need, they can be so advised. You can probably register on these sites for Gift Cards, too. I probabaly wouldn't even attend a wedding where I was "shaken down" for cash. It gives me a lot of pleasure to shop for "perfect gifts" and I would hope that the receipient would be appreciative of the time and effort I put into doing so.
sorry i am old fashioned to, but i think it is a bit unseemly to tell people to "give me money or nothing".
if you know there are things you do want. register them at the stores where you want things. if not hope they will give you money. Period.
I would much rather give someone money if that's what they need than buy some gift they don't want or can't use.
I agree with you. Maybe you can select a dept. store or 2 that are near your new home and mention a gift certificate fund to these places.
Many years ago we were given a bunch of Hamilton Beach appliances and none of them lasted more than a year. Stay away from this brand. GE wasn't much better.
Are you having a bridal shower? When I got married that 's where all the gifts were from. For the actual wedding gifts I would say 80% were cash.
Sorry, but I think this is very tacky. Most people already give the gift of money, and any mention of any type of gift on the invitation is very distasteful in my opinion. If you don't believe me, buy a wedding etiquette book. I also think it's sad that one poster doesn't like the "hassle" of having to exchange a gift. The giver went through the "hassle" of buying you something, didn't they?
Sandy
I guess I'm old-fashioned and feel it would be very tacky to request only getting money....some people do not have a lot of money and and a gift of money shows exactly how much you are giving....they might be able to afford a very nice gift that was on sale and looks like it was more expensive! Most gifts can be returned, so if you get some things you'd rather not keep, then you can just return or exchange. Register at some places you like to shop and specify the items you'd like to receive. I do feel that mentioning what you'd like in your invitation would be a no-no!
I find it hard to believe that, at a wedding where 300 people are invited, that at least some won't know how to use a gift registry. In my opinion, it is tacky and unseemly to make ANY mention of gifts on the invitation, even a gift registry.
I agree with the majority of responses, it is definitely tacky and in bad taste to ask for cash. No matter how you word it, it looks and sounds like you are begging for money. I would not even attend a wedding where the request was made. People give gifts they are able to afford, and do so with the best of intentions.
But, on a positive note, most people do give money for weddings, so definitely have the wishing well.
There will always be those who want to give gifts instead, and will buy one even if you'd rather not get it. Definitely accept it gratiously, and with the intent that it was given.
Also, tell all close relatives to pass the work that you are saving to buy a home -- that should put the idea to give cash in most ears -- or, that you really need XXXXX (and think carefully about practicle stuff). It could be anything that you'd find extremely useful, like your favorite colored linens (bath or kitchen towels, dish rags, pot holders, sheets), paper goods (TP, kleenex, envelopes, stamps, books), gardening supplies, groceries with favorite recipes attached, or just about anything you could use and would have to buy anyway, still leaving all the important stuff for you to pick out later.
With 300+ guests, you're bound to get lots of money and still some stuff that you'll be able to use. Good luck on your big day.
Ha! susanmajp's post reminded me. At our wedding we recieved a large package wrapped in gold paper. When we went home and opened our gifts we tried to guess what it was. It turned out to be a box filled with TP, paper towels and tissues. Either the card fell off or the giver didn't want to identify themselves, so we never did know who gave it to us. But I have to say it was among the most useful gifts we recieved!! I just feel guilty six and a half years later because I never knew who to thank. Maybe it was supposed to be a gag gift. I don't really know. But hey, we were able to use it!! :)
If it helps, I was just married in Aug 05 and we had basicly the same problem but with wanting certain gifts and getting stuff like angel towels for a rubber duckie themed bathroom. Just think of all the people that will give you something you don't necessarily want and as long as it's something that can't be missed/used, try to find out where they got it and take it back. Explain that it was a gift and you have no reciept and most places will allow you to exchange it for store credit to use now or when you figure out you need something else. (If it's something you've gotten that "should be" set out, and from someone that will notice, put it in a seldom used room where you don't actually have to look at it very often, but will make them feel as if you really do value it.)
When you send out the invitations for your wedding, you can suggest that money gifts be given for a specific purpose, such as to help with the costs of your new Home, or something you have been saving for. The request should be on an insert, and not on the invitation. Another way to make your wishes known is to do so verbally when asked. You can also tell your wedding party and parents and let them spread the word when asked.
Search the web for: Wording For Monetary Gifts or Monetary gift poem.
when you find them just re-word them to suit your own needs, thats what we're doing for our may wedding, we also found a nice wedding card box on ebay!
It is never polite to ask for gifts of any kind. Even registry information technically shouldn't be offered unless someone asks for it. You should only be inviting people to your wedding so that they can be there to support you and celebrate with you as you begin your married life. If they wish to give you a gift, that is there chosing. If you ask them for money you're not only telling them they are required to give a gift (which they aren't!), you're also telling them that they aren't capable of buying you a proper gift.
Now some people do not mind giving money as gifts, so what you can do is let your bridesmaids and other people involved in the wedding know your wishes. That way, if someone asks for gift ideas, they can tell them your preference.
NEVER ask for money. It's very rude as most people here agree. You get what you get and you're darn lucky to get it. Most people feel wedding gifts are an obligation, so gift registries in my opinion aren't rude. At least then people feel that they are getting you something you need and not wasting their or your time by getting something useles. Register at stores that offer items YOU would need. If you have no use for china and crystal, but would prefer new camping gear, by all means register for that! And don't forget, when you do get a house, you need supplies for that house. People probably won't remember what they got you a month down the road, so feel free to return things. Sometimes if you return an item and buy something much cheaper at the store, you can get cash back. There are, of course, the special gifts from people really close to you, that do matter to the giver and should matter to you. Use your discretion when returning these items.
I got both money and household supplies at my wedding. At the time, I thought I had everything I needed to set up housekeeping. Still, some wiser wives (with more seniority I like to say), gifted me with things that I couldn't do without now and 10 years later I think of them whenever I pull that item out.
Relax, have fun celebrating and you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised!
ok, so despite all the NO's that I got as feedback... I went ahead and printed up the verse below on little cards and placed them in the reception card portion of the invitation.
I was reluctant after all the feedback I got but I talked it over with my parents and they thought it was a good idea.
So this is what I had:
A wishing well we thought would be great,
(But only if you want to participate).
A gift of money is placed in the well,
Then make a wish - but Shhh, don't tell!
Once we've replaced the old with the new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!
For your convenience we are also registered at
Macy's Department stores.
I think that is great to give that choice. Alot of older relatives (or ones with little ones) may not have the time to go to a store, only to have the registry not updated and you are stuck with 3 woks! That also helps relieve the stress of having to return a well-intentioned gift that will not work for your house, and it is still helpful. The bank account post is also great, wish I thought of that for my little ones & wedding!
Hi Annie, Have you ever though about Registering with The Pampered Chef? Our catalog can be viewed on-line and orders and be placed online as well. The best part you can select the items that you need. All our products carry guarantees and are of fine quality without those expensive prices.
Gifts can be purchased and sent to you should a guest is unable to come.
I would be happy to send you my link and help you Pamper your Kitchen. Best Wishes, Stacey
You or any else interested can contact me at:
staceycooks4u @ hotmail.com (remove spaces)
try this poem,
...to make it easy for you
and avoid a shopping spree
we thought that we should have instead,
a little money tree...
I think that it is incredibly hard to ask for money as a gift, even though it is something that would truly help you out. I ran into the same problem as I was preparing for my wedding. My solution? I created a new company, www.Reebles.com. It is an Online Cash Gift Registry. This way, people can contribute any amount that they want, and if they can't afford a lot they can do it anonymously. This is a tasteful way to ask for money as a gift. This gives you the purchasing power. All of your friends and family can chip in to help you get that one BIG gift that you really need. I wish you the best.
Here are the questions asked by community members. Read on to see the answers provided by the ThriftyFun community.
I am having a housewarming celebration. My home is completely furnished with the exception of major appliances. Would it be proper to ask for money or to have a money tree for guests to place their gifts of money?
If someone were hosting the housewarming party for you, this would be acceptable. Unfortunately, I believe the answer to your question is no. Etiquette says one does not ask for gifts or money for oneself. Times, they are a-changing and many people may disagree with me but I still think it is tacky to invite someone to your home and ask for a gift and/or for money. I, for one, would be offended.
The only suggestion I have in this case is that perhaps you have a friend to whom you can strongly suggest you need money for major appliances and she might pass the word around.
Enjoy your party AND your new home!
I agree with it being tacky to ask your family and friends to give you gifts and money. If you've been hinting it around, they should know. If they get you gifts that you don't want, simply return them for store credit and get what you truly wanted or need. There's no need to be greedy at this point in our lives.
I can't think of a faster way to create enemies than to ask them for money! You would be fodder for the gossipmongers for months to come. I hope you won't do it.
I think that it is appropriate to have a wishingwell housewarming if your home is already furnished. I'm doing it but it's hosted by my sister and a friend. It's probaly better if the invite is coming from someone else or use www.evite.com to send invitations. I would include this in my invitations stating that monetary gifts are prefered just like wedding receptions.
Good Luck!
back in the day people used to throw "rent" parties. If it is presented in this type of way then I think it is ok. However if you present it as a house warming party then like everyone has said its not cool to ask for money.
Hey. honey, this is simply asking for money and it is strange i saw this today. a friend whom i used to work with is going to give one of her daughters a housewarming sometime in April and is planning on doing this. i emailed her back and said that was not a good idea. just my opinion though!!!
I like the wishing well idea, and let people know ahead of time that gift cards at Home Depot, Lowes, Sears are acceptable. Alot of times people will ask what you need, and these are great for home emergencies, and can be combined as a down payment on major appliances. Don't ask for it, that is tacky I agree. But if you have a "registry", and all it has are major appliances, isn't that just as bad? I think family and friends are very forgiving, and would not be offended if you don't waste their time and money.
TACKY TACKY TACKY!!!!! No WAY!!! People will assume that they are to bring gifts or money. Please don't ask for it.
You want to hear tacky, I was invited to one (I had already bought the present) and all I asked was if you'd like me to bring a dessert or dish (potluck style) and she said no, just a gift is fine.
I found a website that shows you how they look and you can use that to try to figure out how to make them. http://www.moneytreegift.com
I have five children, and this year we would like to consolidate all of their birthdays into one big summer celebration. Two of my kiddos are right before and right after Christmas. They never get a birthday party because people are so busy with their hectic holiday schedules.
So this year, we think this will work best, without leaving anyone out. However, I am aware it will cost a ton for people to buy 5 different gifts for 5 different kids. I'd like to make it clear that no one is obligated to buy anything for the kids, however if they choose to that I'd rather they donate money so that we can buy them a nice swingset. How would I word something like this, and is it appropriate?
Thanks in advance :)
My parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary this year. My sisters and I are planning a surprise party with approximately 150 people. We are paying for everything ourselves but are hoping my parents will receive enough in gifts to go on a vacation.
I am having a going away gathering and I want to ask for money and not gifts. I am looking for a cute way to do so. Please help!
Ashairah from Kansas City, MO
I attended a wedding reception/going away gathering. My Sister made a Money Tree for her Daughter. You decorate the tree according to the scheme of the party or gathering. You pin the money or envelopes on the tree with small craft clothes pins. You can be creative and paint the pins the color of the theme of the gathering.
If you want money instead of gifts to transport just say so. It will be decidedly easier to move money than an extra load of gifts in addition to your other belongings. You could sent pics after you get settled of what you bought with the money. These could be enclosed in your thank you notes.
There is no way to ask for money that is not tacky but you can have friends pass the word for you.
There is no "cute" way to ask for money. If you do, you are going to look greedy, no matter how you choose to phrase it. The gift giver decides what to give, not the receiver. The best way would be for someone else to get the word out that you will be unable to take posessions with you, so a money tree, money box, or whatever will be available for monetary gifts, or to please limit all other gifts to small remembrances (pens, cuff links, etc). Happy traveling.
If the gift is for you, I agree that it would be tacky to bluntly ask for money in lieu of gifts, BUT on the other hand a money tree is an IDEAL solution that a "hostess" could provide, where everyone attending would attach money/checks/gift cards to a small decorated tree that has small clothes pins or clips on the "branches" with which to attach the items. If there is an invitation being sent out, it could have something indicating that a money tree will be available (if you don't think they would understand the concept of money-tree, maybe put an artistic drawing of one!).
Best wishes! And have a safe and happy move!
I just want to thank every one for the advice.
We are planning a combined 80th birthday party for my parents. We would like to put on the invitation that instead of a gift, would they like to contribute to a combined expensive gift that we are planning to get them. Any suggestions on how to word this?
By chris from Morganville, NJ
