It's always unfortunate when adult children and parents don't get along, especially when there are grandchildren involved. Many states have grandparent's rights to allow visitation in these situations.
Here are the questions asked by community members. Read on to see the answers provided by the ThriftyFun community.
Why is it that when your child is angry with you; they deny you access to your grandchildren? It's that way with my children. I don't think it's one bit fair. My grandchildren love me. It only hurts them. They miss me.
By Peggy from Logan, UT
I'm not saying this is the case, but sometimes there are two sides to every story. Also in some states grandparents do have rights for visitation. Speak to an attorney, if you want to fight for visitation. In my case my daughter and grandkids only contact me when they want something. Awhile back I emailed by 21 year old grandaughter if she would spend a night here to show me some more stuff on the computer and help me hang some pictures and she replied yes, and then added if I ever had other things for her to do, maybe I could pay her a little bit and I thought grandparents aren't supposed to have to pay grandkids to help with a few odds and ends.
Unfortunately, it is what it is. All you can do is keep your hand outstretched holding an olive branch; and doing what you can to maintain ties with the kids, letters, emails, little gifts.
Whether you feel the poor relationship is your fault or not, if you really want to mend the fences, you're going to have to just bite the bullet and accept blame. Someone has to be the adult, and clearly it won't be your child. You may have to humble yourself; but consider the pay off.
If I were in your shoes I would confront your child and say ,"Listen, I know we have our differences but why are you making your kids suffer?" Of course this would only really work if the family is local. If they have to travel to visit then the parents have all the say.
I'm afraid I wouldn't be much good in this situation. Maybe you could send cards that say I love you and miss you and maybe a short note something along the lines of I know your mom's very busy, but would like to see you soon. That leaves the ball in her court and if the card is addressed to an older child, maybe the child would open before she did and then the child could ask questions and maybe that would help.
Hopefully, when the children get older they will come on their own. That happened with a friend's grandchild. He never blamed his grandmother,he knew how difficult his mother could be over relationships. Hope this helps and hope things get better. Send good thought her way.
For all you grandparents that are being kept from your precious grandchildren, there are grandparents rights in almost every state. Depending on your state and its statutes your children may not be able to keep you from them.
How do I deal with a daughter who creates drama against me and blocks me constantly and keeps me from seeing my grandson? My daughter has this unrealistic perception in her mind, that or else she is just saying that I do these things that are the exact opposite than what I do? It is so far fetched that I can't even explain it. I look crazy, feel crazy and it's wearing me out. I fear for my grandson who is being parented by my daughter who has this personality disorder (NPD), undiagnosed. I am an empath and I have had my own issues that I have worked through (abandonment) and now I am seeing my daughter may have a narcissistic personality disorder.
She really started acting this way just a few years ago. She told me we never had a relationship. The worse part is that she calls herself a Christian. If that is a Christian, I wish not to be one. My grandson is three today. I have only been allowed to get to know when she feels like letting me. We bonded right away, he loves seeing me.
She is ripping my heart out keeping me from him.
Help!
Start by sending a card to her, a hand written note asking permission to think about seeing your grandson on a date that works for both of you. Sounds like you would need to be the better person. You have to do what is needed to see your grandson.
If you think the child is in danger, you need to document evidence and enlist a qualified third party to intervene. You didn't explain how your involvement will benefit anyone or how you intend to demonstrate your love for this grandchild -- which is concerning. What can you offer to bring to the situation? Cook meals, teach games, do laundry, ferry to and from school/sports, etc? Otherwise this sounds like a tug of war between two adult ego's. No one is entitled to have access to children just on the basis of blood relation and for their own enjoyment.
I feel sorry for anyone to be in a situation like this but we are not the people you should be talking to as we do not know all of the circumstances (and we do not need to) and I'm sure there are possibly health problems involved but a child should not be the one you two are battling over.
There should be a joint effort to get along and resolve the issues between the two adults before the child is brought into the equation.
You should seek counseling through your local family services and go through this whole problem so someone other than yourself can evaluate all of the problems that are going on.
I believe you should stop whatever you are doing with your daughter until you have discussed all of this with a qualified counselor. None of this looks like a healthy situation and can only harm the child if it continues.
You should be able to receive counseling free of charge if you consult the Family Services - Google with your zip code and find your local agency.
Please consider doing this as soon as possible.
If what you say is true and you can show just cause then you need to speak with child services and get some help. This will need to be documented and you'll need to prove that the life of your grandson are in danger. You may be asked to go through a physiologic evaluation to prove that you are not making this up and that you are actually a fit grandmother that can see the child.
Your second option is to hire a lawyer and take her to court so you can have visitation rights. This can be rather costly and in the end damage all your chances of seeing your grandson if it does not go in your favor. Furthermore, if it does go in your favor it can drive a bigger wedge between you and your daughter.
This is a very bad situation and you should really try to work this out with her first before trying these other measures.
Where can I get help with grandparent rights?
By Mary Lou Zeeb from MI
We just went through this...all the best. AARP.com has lots of great information. There is also a wonderful book called "Grandparents' rights : your legal guide to protecting your relationship with your grandchildren / Traci Truly" from the library. The library/information desk is a great source. Also, "Solomon's Choice".
Grandparents Rights
Michigan has enacted legislation providing grandparents with the opportunity to seek court-ordered grand parenting time with their grandchildren. However the circumstances where grand parenting time may be ordered are narrow.
If you are a grandparent and are taking care of your grandchildren, or are concerned about your future ability to spend time with your grandchildren, it is a very good idea to speak with an attorney before a conflict arises with the parent or parents. Depending upon the circumstances, a lawyer may be able to help you protect your rights in advance of the conflict. However, if you wait until you are denied the right to visit your grandchildren, it may be too late for the attorney to act.
