About three months ago, my relationship of four and a half years picked me up from the airport and he welcomed me with a kiss on the mouth and that day we kissed several times. Then the day after that, I noticed that on his bottom lip he had a blister, which I instantly recognised as a cold sore, because my mother gets them quite often so I knew what it was. He answered "yes, I think so" like nothing was going on. Because I knew how infectious this is and that kissing is forbidden while it's active, I was furious in fact of how reckless he could be, since he kissed me and he gave me oral sex that day, before I had noticed that.
So after discussing this with him, the reason he didn't tell me he had that was because he didn't know I could get infected by kissing, because his mother had it and he thought it is something normal. Also, he never got treatment in the past because he thought it's not important. He adviced me too, that I shouldn't worry because he, in his 30 years of life, only got it a couple of times so I should assume I would too. My mother however gets it many times a year, I told him that. 3 months later, I got my first cold sore on my bottom lip and he is the one who gave it to me.
Apparently, this happened because he was uninformed about it (his family didn't tell him to be careful, he never asked a doctor about it, etc.), he also paid for my medication and I shouldn't be mad about it because he didn't know. But I am seriously upset. I will have this for the rest of my life. And me like my mother, and unlike him, get frustrated very often (one of the factors cold sore gets activated). Also I am anxious that it might be transmitted onto my genitals since that day he gave me oral sex.
Q1:Is there a test that will show if he gave me genital herpes (of the same form as the lip herpes, not the other one) through oral sex?
Q2: Do you think I should be mad with him forever? I want to forgive him, but I can't imagine how somebody can be so irresponsible.
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The cold sore he gave you is herpes simplex. It is contagious and annoying, but won't hurt you. Genital herpes is different. He would have had a sore on his genitals. While he did not use the best judgement,
You can get tested at Planned Parenthood. Do forgive him, it's not an uncommon situation.
there is a blood test which can tell if you have type 1 or 2, either or both. a cold sore could give you genital herpes type 1. i wouldn't be too mad about it, but i would remember his lack of smarts in future situations
WEBMD-
Genital herpes is a disease caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV), of which there are two types. Type 1 (HSV-1) usually causes oral herpes, an infection of the lips and mouth. Symptoms are commonly known as cold sores or fever blisters. In the past, HSV-1 was not known to cause genital herpes, but that is changing, especially among people who begin having sex at a young age. Still, in most cases, genital herpes is caused by the second type of herpes virus (HSV-2).
About one-fifth of all people ages 12 and up in the U.S. are infected with the HSV-2 virus that causes genital herpes, but as many as 90% don't know it. (By comparison, experts estimate 50% to 80% of adults have oral herpes.)
HSV-1 is usually passed from person to person by kissing. HSV-1 can also spread from the mouth to the genitals during oral sex (fellatio, cunnilingus, analingus). If this happens, it becomes a case of genital herpes.
HSV-2 is most often passed by vaginal sex and anal sex. But just as HSV-1 can infect the genitals and cause genital herpes, HSV-2 can pass from one person's genitals to another person's mouth, resulting in oral herpes.
Great explanation. I have the mouth sores. I got it from an uncle. I learned never to kiss anyone when I had a sore. A couple of days before the sore comes out I get a tingling sensation on my lip.
There is no cure or real treatment. They always seem to come back again and again to the infected place, over time. My dad carelessly gave my brother and I cold sores (herpes) when I was young and I also wasn't educated on their seriousness. I gave them to my husband at some point when we were dating and we have been dealing with them ever since.
I have used Abreva to shorten the healing time and ice or isopropyl alcohol at the start of an outbreak (tingle) to sometimes prevent them from breaking out entirely. My husband holds a cloth with rubbing alcohol on his lip until it is numb. But be careful because it is easy to infect another part of your lip.
You are correct about keeping calm. I almost always get a cold sore when I'm stressed out. But it also seems to have to do with abrasions. If I'm good about using lip balm and very soft tissues when I blow my nose, I'm often able to avoid them but I have been on many special dates and outings with a horrible blister or scab on my lip or nose.
It is possible to give someone oral herpes on their genitals but it is a different version. Definitely avoid kissing and oral sex when you are having an outbreak. The herpes virus is related to chicken pox and the virus that gives people mono. It is the most common virus that people are infected with.
Good luck and don't be too mad at your boyfriend. However, he should definitely become educated about it. Someday, perhaps they will discover a vaccine, like they did with HPV, and we will be able to eradicate it.
Oh, another thing to avoid is spicy or salty things. I would always get a sore after having wasabi flavored almonds. The combination of salt and spice always seemed to irritate my mouth and lips and, boom, a blister would start to form.
I have a method for cold sores that I have used since I was 14 yrs. old and I am now 65. It has never failed me. Some people think it is yucky. I would rather put up with yucky than a big, red, angry sore on my lip or the corner of my mouth (that always cracks again and again). This was taught to me by my Grandmother. Wash your hands the using your finger get some wax from your ear and rub it on the cold sore. The trick is to try and catch the cold sore as soon as possible. I always get a tingling, burning feeling just before I get one. When I apply the ear wax right away, the cold sore does not even develop. Try it!!
Well it looks like you have received a lot of comments in the past 6-7 days but some answers seem to be contradicting or at the very least - confusing. I have read all the answers and checked all the links and it is still seems not everyone agrees with the eventual outcome. It seems that only the people who have actually experienced the problem knows what you may be dealing with in the future.
It does seem that your boyfriend was not aware of the potential seriousness of his actions, so, if your relationship has been good for over 4 years then this may be the time to forgive him.
And, since it has already happened, maybe both of you should consider seeing a doctor who should be able to tell you what may or may not happen in the future. I believe that is the only solution that will put your mind at ease and at least you will know what you are really dealing with.
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