I am a single parent to my 6 year old daughter. She and I were living in a 2 bedroom duplex when my boyfriend started staying with me and eventually moved in due to him being in an uncomfortable living situation. He has 2 out of state children from 2 different mothers. He has been in a court battle for the younger one for the past year or so.
When he first started staying with me in the 2 bedroom duplex he contributed $100 a week. The rent at the place was $850 before utilities. The $100 a week was all inclusive as I paid for all groceries and everything else for the place. At the time he was only getting his older child for long school breaks and holidays and it was difficult in the small space we had. During the ongoing court battle for his younger child we started looking at other places to find something bigger due to hopes he would be getting his younger child soon.
We bought a house, but because of his low credit rating the house is only in my name. I paid the down payment and all the other fees associated with the purchase of the house. The problem is now my payment for the house is $1250 and it is a larger home so the utilities are more as well. And now he is paying loans he had to take out for lawyers and child support for another child. After him paying his loan payment, child support, and his own personal expenses it leaves him nothing or hardly anything to contribute financially to the home.
He is a hard worker and goes to work everyday and feels like he has nothing to show for all the hours and time he puts in. And I'm feeling drained of paying for everything at the house. Not to mention if we ever go do anything it is me that has to pay because he never has any money. Also, his mother handles all his money for him. So she makes sure his personal bills and child support are paid and decides if anything goes to help me who is paying for the house. Anything he uses money for has to be run by her. He also thinks it's not fair that his name is not on the house. I'm feeling frustrated and would like some outside people to weigh in on what your thoughts are on my situation.
Add your voice! Click below to answer. ThriftyFun is powered by your wisdom!
Here is a old saying I was told when I was young( You Can Do Bad By Yourself)! That's 1- , # 2 - Thank God he is not on the loan, # You can only help someone who helps themselves, If it takes 2 jobs to make things better ,than do it(him) . There is no initiative on his part. 3.- Talk to him about a increase of money- your answer may not be a good one.
First off why is his mom taking care of all of this for him? He is 27 and should be able to handle all of this especially if he wants to get his second child. In the past he was paying you $400 a month for living with you. What changed or what happened? Was his mom paying for his bills back then and gave the $100 a week to you to help you out? What changed? Why did she stop paying the money for his rent or helping you out? I see basically only one solution.
You need to put your foot down now and not allow this to go on any longer. You tell him if he can not pay the $100 a week then he needs to get out of your home. Tell him to go live with his mom who seems to take care of him and his finances. If she is that concerned with him and giving him a small amount of money each week for gas then she should take care of him and allow him to live under her roof free of charge.
If this was me I would pack his bags, set them out for him and tell him the truth. You can not afford to support him and yourself on your income and therefore he must help out or get out. You have your own child to worry about and do not need to worry about a grown man and hope that he can get his child that you will need to take care of in the end and also support. It seems that the cost of his bills is greater than the money that he makes each month and therefore even if he gets his child to live with him he can not take care of this child without your help. I personally would not take on this burdon and tell him now before it is too late and you end up in a larger debt than you have now and maybe loose your home.
Agree with all comments 100%!!! He and his mother are working a huge guilt trip on you re his money etc., problems. None of this is your responsibility!!! The only way you can get out from under them both is to separate yourself from him and all his baggage completely and at once. You must literally throw him and all out of your life now.
Don't worry about them, they will definitely find another sucker soon enough!!!
It has taken courage to tell your 'story' to strangers but most likely, you already knew in your heart what most people were going to say.
You know you are in a never ending bad situation and it will take a very serious commitment to get yourself free of this person.
You do not mention any support that you may have - family/close friends? If you have them then most likely they have already been telling you to free yourself of this relationship many times over.
This paragraph really tells as much of the story as anyone needs to know that you need to put a stop to the 'abuse' you are being put through.
"his mother handles all his money for him. So she makes sure his personal bills and child support are paid and decides if anything goes to help me who is paying for the house. Anything he uses money for has to be run by her. He also thinks it's not fair that his name is not on the house."
What do you think your new role will be if he gains custody of his child? Will his mother think you should receive the support money he is now paying?
Two wives? Two children - different mothers? And you were hoping to be the third 'wife'??
The best advice anyone could give you is to make changes in your life that do not include this selfish man and his mother.
You never mentioned love even once (did I miss it?) so make up your mind to make these changes or just live with your problems and be miserable.
Two kids with two different mothers? Court battles? Child support? An overbearing mom who holds his purse strings? Miffed that his name isn't on the house you bought, even though HE DID NOT help with any payment toward your house? I only have three words of advice for you.......RUN --RUN --RUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!! He and his problems are NOT your concern. You are much better off without him, and it allows you to take care of YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOURSELF.!!!!! Let us know when and how this gets resolved if you want to. Good Luck!!
Aye, aye, AYE!!! There are a few important questions you should ponder:
Has finances run through his mom?
Has to pay child support to 2 different mothers of his children? (This guy is "tough to sell"!)
Is he really ready to take custody of a child?
Or does he just want to stop making a child support payment?
Is there mutual love?
His mom has all his bank account passwords and pays his bills for him out of his money basically. And gives him an allowance for gas or whatever else he needs. He is 27. I am 34. I feel like it is an invasion of privacy having her that involved with us financially. And she feels that it is my duty in the relationship to help him out. This has been going on for a year and its just getting tiring. He wants to be in his childrens lives. But if he wasnt living with me I dont know how he could do it on his own. This issue with everything being on me financially has created a lot of resentment towards him. I am a single parent getting no child support and supporting a grown man so he can pay his child support.
What a difficult situation. I think we all can remember a time or three we found ourselves in unhappy relationships that boiled down to (1) respect and (2) money. I advise you to let this one go. You're young and kind...move on so others can see your light. Good luck!
Add your voice! Click below to answer. ThriftyFun is powered by your wisdom!
