Yesterday my husband and I got into an argument because my son left the lights on in his room. When I defended my son he then said that "my marriage was in danger". He always threatens me with divorce and end of the marriage. This has been going on for about 8 years now and slowly I don't care anymore.
I get a knot in my stomach when I come from a friend's house and have to go home. My son feels the same way. We feel as if we have to walk on egg shells. As I said, I don't care anymore, financially I am dependent on him. What do you think my action should be?
By Corrie V.
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Whenever I hear a young woman now talk about getting into any type of relationship I urge them to make sure they have their own checking account or a fair sum of cash put away, in case they have to leave. Start at the beginning of the relationship or even before, even if it means putting a couple dollars away out of the grocery money each week. By now you would have a fair amount stashed away.
I know a young woman who, when she was about 30 was my employer, and she had an infant, one day when work was slow we got to talking about things like that. She said she had her own credit card, checking account, and a fair amount of cash hidden away with her parents. There wasn't one thing her husband, an attorney, could get his hands on other than his private checking account, credit card, and the household account. You don't have to be well to do, in order to put a little away here and there.
However, you don't have to be financially independent to leave. You can always take your son and go to a domestic abuse shelter. They help women get on their feet, with job training, finding a job, etc. Also you don't need to take a lot of personal belongings(clothing, etc. with you) because they have donated things that the clients can have.
When you are in one of these shelters your husband is supposed to be able to get hold of you. That being said, you also shouldn't call him and ask him to come and get you. It is entirely possible that once he sees you are brave enough to leave and not depending on you, that he will straighten out.
No one should have to live "as if they are walking on eggshells". Leaving isn't easy, but it can be done. Find out about shelters in your area; perhaps you have family that would help out financially. Taking your son out of this toxic environment is the best thing you could for him; and he is old enough to be a moral support for you.Start making plans to leave.
Every body had the same answer Leave Sometimes leaving is not an option. Maybe we need some real professionals to deal with this Which is becoming a big problem in homes. The hitting is curbed a little and the physical side of abuse, because they know the laws against all that.But what is to do as far as how to handle a person that has literally lost it. I read one time a woman taped her husband and he could never believe that was him.
#redhatterb is spot on. Start putting a bit aside so you have a cushion of some sort. Go to some kind of counseling (via your church or county sevices) but keep the "exit plan" as your last resort. No person should be subjected to what your husband is putting you through. Find support for your son as well since he, too, is a victim. You do not want your son to model his father's crass ways so that he does the same thing to his wife in future years.
You are right to recognize this relationship does not have a future. It is very hard to rebuild trust when you have been abused. Can you begin looking for a job? That would give you some stability while you reinvent your life. I congratulate you for facing a tough situation head on. You are a good role model for your son. Being less than honest about a bad relationship can leave kids very confused. Best of luck to you both.
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