Dealing With a Drug Addicted Abusive Husband?

I am 24 years old and 3 months ago married my husband. We had been dating since we were 16. We always had our problems, but here in the last years it has gotten to the point of no return. We ended up getting married, although we always planned to, because we were expecting a baby boy. We got married the week before he was born. My son is now 3 months old. My husband has struggled with a pill addiction for ten years, if he does not take drugs he barely talks to me and my son, so sometimes I give him money just so we can make it through the day. In the last two years he has not held a job or paid for one single bill. While I was pregnant I worked two jobs up until the day I delivered just to get by while he stayed at home and slept.

I am drowning in debt, and can barely pay rent. Recently he has gotten worse than ever before, he had always been slightly verbally abusive, but now he is physically abusive as well. He has also started threatening to kill me, saying his life would be easier if I were dead, and tried to strangle me one night, but stopped as I was gasping for air. I didn't know what changed him so much. Why was he not happy we were finally married? Why was he not so happy about our son? We had always had our problems, but we have been best friends and always been so in love. I finally found out the other day that he has been shooting up heroin. When I confronted him he told me he hated me and locked himself in his room, he then left and got his fix and came back apologizing saying he will change.

The next morning it all started again. When I ask him about getting a job or bother him about bills, he calls me horrible names, like ugly fat bitch, whore, cunt, etc. Last night I was giving it one last chance. We planned to go on a date and he had to get pills first because he can't function without them. While we were going to get the pills I later found out he had actually picked up heroin. I cried all the way home, but he persuaded me that it was his last time and we went to eat. While we were at dinner everything was fine, then we went to pick up our son. I told him when we got home I'd like to go to bed because I had work early this morning. He said that was okay, but once we got home and I tried to sleep, he started saying that he is trying so hard to make things work with me and I'm not trying cuz I wanted to sleep and started saying he is going to find somone else to make me happy.

Since I wanted to discuss this I started trying to talk to him. He told me to shut the "f..." up or he was gonna scream and wake up the baby, that if I said another word I didn't care about our son. Thru the night I would wake up and beg him to stop being this way. He went on to call me an ugly fat bitch and whore. He came over to me and squeezed my face and neck and punched me in the head. He said he would be so happy if I went and died in a ditch, that everyone hates me, even my own family.

All I ever do is try to make my family happy. I work all the time, go to school, and take care of my son while he lays at home until he can get drugs to get up for the day. Why do I still love someone so much that treats me this way? On the way to work this morning and going to drop off my son, I thought of taking my dad's gun and finding a ditch and shooting myself so that my husband will finally be happy, I just can't live with this pain anymore. But my son is everything to me, his my angel sent from heaven the only thing keeping me going. I can't support him on my own I need my husband to start working immediatly so I don't lose my home. I am ashamed to tell my family what is going on and refuse to do so because they already seem like I'm a burden to them.

So what do I do? I don't want to die, I don't want my son living in the hell I've been living in; he deserves so much better. I called my husband, telling him that I feel like dying to please help me and he screamed, "I'm trying to sleep" and hung up. I can't get past these feelings. I can't go home and keep living like this. I love him so much and I just want the man I fell in love with back. Why after all he has done does he still think I'm the problem? Literally the only thing I do is get mad due to him not working and doing drugs.

We always talked of having a family. We were so excited to finally be having a baby, so why now? Why is he doing this and ruining our family? I feel so dead inside and all I want is for my husband to change and be sweet like I know he can and to be able to enjoy my new little angel, but I'm so afraid of what is going to happen that I just want to die. Help me please. I feel like no one loves me and idk what I did to deserve this life.