I am looking for some advice. My husband is generally a good husband and father, but when we have disagreement, arguments, or if I don't agree with him, or something simply doesn't go his way, he insults me and calls me names. This happens when we are alone and in front of our son.
Every time we argue he always calls me stupid, moron, cunt, says I'm a joke, etc. Later on when he's calm I tell him it hurts when he insults me, and he agrees that it's wrong, but then he will do it all again when we argue. To him in the moment he's not doing anything wrong. Lately our son has been insulting me when things don't go his way, he will say all the same things my husband says to me.
I don't know what to do. I want him to see what he's doing and the damage it's causing. I love my husband and family and I want it to stop. How do I let him know?
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A verbal abuser usually becomes a physical abuser, as well! You can try couples counseling, however, I doubt he will agree to go as he is always right so does not need counseling. I doubt he will support your single counseling; his verbal abuse controls you. If you just do as he says, there will not be any problems.
You son has a terrible father who is teaching him exactly how to treat all women!!!
If you love your son and your husband does not change, take your son and leave your extremely difficult situation!!!
Good Luck!!!
The number for the National Abuse Hotline is 1-800-799-7233. There are a number of very good articles on their website. Verbal abuse is abuse. Your husband is not just a good man with a little bad habit. He is an abuser. You have taken a huge step in asking for help. I admire your courage. You have what it takes to make a better life for you and your son. There is help available to you if you continue to reach out. Take that next step today.
Your husband is not generally good. Any man who calls his wife names, especially a cunt, in front of his son, is setting a very poor example. I would recommend couples counseling.
In a situation like this where one is this abusive, you will need a third-party to cut through, as you alone will not be able to fix this. I would find a counselor to get help with situation.
Thank you so much for you advice. It has taken me so long to come out and let anyone know. No one sees this side of him ( he has never been physically abusive in 15 years we've been together) ive been scared to ask for advice because he has convinced im to blame all the time. If i didnt respond to him in a certain way, then he wouldnt go into attack mode. Or its the way i ask questions. I have tried to find other ways to talk to him but it doesn't seem to work. Im not gonna say im perfect. Because im not. But i dont insult him or put him down.
Considering your husband isn't physically abusive and only verbally abusive there has been a lot of mental damage to you. I really think you and your husband need to go and seek professional help and he should take a few anger management classes for sure. This is no way to treat you and especially in front of your son.
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under these circumstances the easiest thing to do is cut and run. His bad habits are already infecting your son, which is unacceptable to his relationship with you but also will poison his relationship with other women.
Just leave. If he puts up a fuss and is contrite, set ultimatums. This language is UNACCEPTABLE and he must control himself. Nothing else will do. Then if he values you enough he will overcome his bad habit.
I found it interesting tht you said that you are calm and collected in arguments until he calls you names, THEN you react. That tells me that his sole purpose in calling you names is to get a rise out of you. He WANTS you to get angry, passionate, escalated.
Simply next fight you have start out guns blazing and screaming RIGHT AWAY and see if something different shows up. I' mean you're going to be called a cunt anyway, why not just play that role?
do you know his mom? Was she abusive or unstable? or was his dad an abuser? Most likely this is how he thinks you relate to women and is playing that out with you. You just say 'i won't participate in your pathetic psychological game and Ii'm out of here' and stand firm in that.
this behaviour will just NOT go away without serious intervention and it possibly is too late already
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