My sister was coming to visit me, I told her to ask our mother to come too so we could all spend the weekend together. My mother claims I violated etiquette and should have invited her myself.
Did I violate etiquette?
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Things are not the same as when I was growing up and etiquette is just about a thing of the past which makes me heartsick!
So yes, technically, in the old fashioned world, you should extend invitations to all parties to invite them to your home--whether by phone, email, text, or my favorite, paper. That is the old school of thinking. I know that because millennials tell me that all the time. SO SAD.
It sounds like your sister would be bringing your mom and maybe even talks to her more often than you do, so you suggested just to bring her along. That to me is fine in the new world of etiquette, but sometimes you have to treat people they way THEY want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated (this is called the Platinum Rule).
If you want to keep peace, I suggest you call your mom, tell her how much you love her and want to see her and that you feel bad if she took offense at you not asking her directly, but you had hoped to save a little time by asking (your sister) to extend the invitation.
Hopefully this will keep the peace and you can all have a nice visit!!
Post back with an update!! Blessings to all!!
I like to get a personal invitation. That way I know the host or hostess really wants me to come.
If she said that, her own etiquette probably differs from yours since you are asking. We all have our own views and she was probably hurt you did not invite her yourself.
It would be nice if you invited your mother also.
Each generation is different. Remember not to bet yourself up over this.This is a lesson learned, next time mention you want to have family over, and I will need to look in to who else is available for the visit.
Apologize and maybe say that it just happened on the spur of the moment and now realize you should have personally invited her.
Sometimes things are said that will hurt someone's feeling and it is difficult to make amends but a sincere apology will start the healing process.
It really does not matter about whose etiquette is right or wrong or past or current, it only matters as to how the individual people feel about the situation.
Perhaps something happened in the past that makes your mother feel this way but individual attention may be the only solution. Even the way your sister presented the "invitation" could be part of the problem but I'm sure she did not know it would cause this reaction.
What is past is gone so all you can do is try and make up for the 'violation' and move on to enjoying spending more time with your mother and maybe even be the one to pick her up in the future?
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