My boyfriend moved into my apartment in 2010. He had agreed to pay his ex wife $ 2000.00 a month. I was not involved in this amount. I had my 2 daughters living with me in a 2 bedroom apartment. His 2 boys would come over every weekend. Since he paid out so much to her I didn't push the issue.
In 2011 he purchased a house in his name. He was to pay 1600.00 of the mortgage and I pay 864.00. At the time his take home was 4000.00. He was giving 2000.00 to her at first and then lowered it to 1600.00. So take the 1600.00 + 1600.00 = 3200.00. He also had a truck payment of 500.00 so we are at 3700.00, and a trailer payment of 132.00. So he is at 3832.00; that leaves 170.00. I am left paying for everything else. I mean everything, including all the food his boys eat every weekend. He still thinks that he does it all, he always says that he pays for everything and is rude and nasty to my kids.
So here is where I am at, he keeps telling me to get out and that he will put my stuff on the front lawn. Can he do that when I have been paying part of his mortgage? I am going to move out, but since I pay for everything else it is hard to save the money. I want to make sure my stuff and my kids' stuff is secure until I can move out. Do I need to have the police present?
By le
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The house is in his name so, yes, "technically" he can tell you to move out. The answer is to stop paying for everything else and get yourself out as soon as possible. The timing will never be perfect and you'll never be in the perfect position to leave.
You can either ask a friend or family (or shelter, church, etc) if you can crash with them long enough to put together a a down payment for an apartment (as a single parent with two kids, you may qualify for low income housing assistance) - or - if you feel it is safe to stay, you can stay until you have squirreled away enough for a down payment - but it will be uncomfortable and you have to be wary of waiting and waiting in a miserable situation until the "perfect" time, which never comes - and if he is not good to your children, you are better off leaving sooner than later - and it sounds like he is controlling and will make it as hard for you to save money and leave as possible.
Excellent advice from Stephanie! You have been taken for a ride by this controlling and manipulative man and need to free yourself and your kids as soon as you can!
As far as your stuff and the kids' stuff: If you can afford to rent a storage unit and put the stuff in there, do so. My guess is you can't, though. You'll need first and last month's rent plus a deposit to move somewhere else. You may just have to pack up what you and your kids can carry and take the loss. Stay at a friend's house until you have enough money to rent a place. You may be able to retrieve some things later, or you may not.
As far as whatever money you've already given this man for whatever purpose, that money is lost. You never had a written rental agreement with him and you are not on his mortgage papers. Legally you and your children have no claim on his house or rooms in it.
As for whatever he was paying his ex or what he was spending his money on or not spending his money on: It was his to do with as he pleased. You agreed to spend your money on his children and his mortgage. You were not forced.
In the future, don't start caring for other people's children with your own money. They have two parents, so they are not orphans. And don't move into another person's house without a rental agreement or contract, unless you're legally married to them.
Since you have been in this "place" for several years and are still "taking" all that he dishes out - I believe it is safe to assume you are not in a physically harmful situation. Of course, mental abuse such as you describe can be devastating for you and your daughters.
You already know this or you would not be asking strangers to help you assess your problems. This is a very good sign that you really want to do something but just do not know the "best" way to go about it.
Every situation like this is different and, of course, there is always two sides to every story. You seem to be trying to look at both sides so I would assume this is definitely a win, win arrangement for your boyfriend. So - where does that leave you?
First of all - it appears that you two are having heated arguments or he would not be threatening to "put your stuff on the front lawn" so I think you know this is not going to get any better. Also, this kind of abuse is very bad for you and your daughters. (Are the arguments only about the money problem?)
Legally, he may be able to move your "stuff" out of his house because you have no legal right to be there.
My daughter was in a similar situation some years ago and her attorney advised her to give the boyfriend a definite date when she would have her belongings removed from his house (she gave 30 days) and then file a report with the local police department about the entire situation. Also, There may be many "fights" about what you and he believe to be yours or his belongings.
It appears you must have a decent paying job or you could not be paying all of the expenses you claim. This will have to be the "backbone" of anything you try to do. Hopefully you and your daughters attend a local church and can seek some advise/help there before venturing down other avenues. No matter what - unless the situation turns physical - you need a plan.
Maybe you have family or friends who can help you for a short time until you are able to find your own place? This can be embarrassing but still may be best.
My daughter rented a storage space that gave a "free" rental truck (nothing is really free) and found friends to help her move all of her stuff in one move. The police department did tell my daughter it would be best to move her things when the boyfriend was present and a police "escort" could be provided if she felt this could turn into a dangerous situation.
Generally, all "partings" like this are explosive situations and can lead to heated arguments over even minor things (like a toaster!). My daughter tried her move without the police but soon found it would not work and "backed" off until she called for help. The police arrived and things calmed down but disagreements over "mine and his" continued and finally had to be resolved through the court.
You do not mention anything about love or even "like" towards this man so I assume this is not a factor in your situation.
Since children are involved it seems you could seek help/advise from your local family and children's community services. All of this planning will take time so you need to start "somewhere" and try not to stop once your plans are made.
it seems you are living in a very bad situation and need to move on with your life. I hope you will be able to make your move safely and maybe find peace in a few months.
You have had 2 previous posters advise you on what you need to do. I certainly hope you listen to Cybergrannie, etc.
I think you also need to see a lawyer about this situation, or perhaps there is some sort of legal aid/help line you can contact. All of the other posters say you have no rights because you had no written agreement and were not married, but that may not be the case. Here in Saskatchewan, Canada, people who co-habit as spouses for over 2 years have all the legal rights with regard to property as people who are married. Even before this law was passed, there were cases where women who lived common law were given property rights because they contributed to the home. You certainly contributed financially, and hopefully you can prove it.
I would certainly get out as soon as you can; you will be surprised how friends and family rally round when you need them. If you don't have any locally, than you must seek out agencies for help. By all means, discuss the issue with the police if you think your partner will make trouble. But, first, I think you need to see a lawyer.
Lawyer Now! The laws are different everywhere. If you lived together long enough, you may actually have a claim on his house and truck. Get a good divorce specialist.
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