My adult daughter lives 3 hours away, is a single mom and lives with her father. Her father and I divorced 19 years ago. She is 33 years old. We do not have a good relationship even though we speak regularly on the phone. Three weeks ago we had a disagreement and there has been no conversation since that day. We are also friends on Facebook.
What is bothering me is that she posted a photo of herself, her son, and her father with the caption, "What I am grateful for..." I saw that and felt hurt that she did not even mention me. I know that I am three hours away, but I am also in very bad health and cannot travel. I am still upset over seeing her post and I wondered why she could not have written a comment such as, " I am grateful for you too mom..." but she did not.
I feel like blocking her on FB. She never likes or comments on my posts anyway. I would like to know the best way to handle this. Please advise.
Thank you!
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As a mom of adult children, I think it is up to the parent to make sure that the relationship with adult children stays congenial. If you want to make things worse, by all means, continue to feel hurt over her post, perhaps make a hurtful comment, and block her. If you wish to make up over the disagreement, give her a call and talk. Don't expect an apology for anything.
Take the high road. Re-post the photo of her with her son and father on your facebook page and say: "What I am Thankful For." She'll regret that she was unkind without you saying a word and you'll come off as being the one who took the high road.
That's a great idea, but the photo was of her, my grandson and my EX-husband. And my ex and I do not communicate, although I have made repeated attempts to stay in touch as we have a daughter in common.
What wonderful advice from Louise!
I wish more people could read this as I feel sure there are many who could benefit from her suggestions on how to handle a situation like this.
Many years ago I had a similar "problem" and it certainly can make you "hurt" all over. I kept all the horrible emails for a while and then one day I decide to print them all and just hand them to her the next time we saw each other. I really thought this was a "good" idea and just wanted to see how she reacted as she would usually just act like everything was okay when we met.
Thank goodness I came to my senses and did not do this - I destroyed the letters and just worked on forgetting all the hurtful things that had been said or done. It was not easy but my health improved and our relationship improved - but - it took years before we became "friends" and now we are able to spend enjoyable times together.
It takes work and forgiveness but you will feel better and who knows - you may have a good relationship or maybe not but you will feel better for trying.
Thank you for writing! My daughter and I have had a stressful relationship most of her life. She was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, oppositional deviant disorder at the age of ten. I have suffered both mentally and physically from her angry outbursts. In fact, just two years ago, she almost lost custody of her son because she attacked my exhusband (with whom she lives with) with a knife. Thank God he was not hurt. Her exhusband took her to court. She court ordered to attend anger management classes. I worry constantly about the environment my grandson is living in. However, I walk a tight rope with her. Any thing can set her off. Just recently, she blocked me for the second time on Facebook because of the photo.
Forgive and forget. You are not responsible for anyone else's actions but yours. Hang in there and be there for her should she want to reconcile. Include her in your life as much as you are able.
Anne,
Yes, I just sent her a text. She has blocked me once again on facebook. It really hurts...for so many reasons. She is all I have.
I am divorced and in very poor health. I can't work and have lost most of my friends due to my illness. I rely on the help of a friend to drive me to Atlanta for treatments every few months and have asked my daughter for help and she refuses. She is still mad at me for missing her son's birth (which I could not help). I explained to her that I had every intention of being there but her son was delivered by emergency c-section and I live three hours away. I also take care of my father 24/7 and could not find anyone to look after him so I could make the trip. She replied, "well, everyone is mad at you, they wondered why you weren't here." When I asked her if she explained the reason, she said "no." I believe she finds some perverse pleasure in making me look bad. She is upset with me everytime I miss my grandson's birthday. Once again, I explain that I can't drive myself long distance anymore, due to my illness. So, I is puzzling to me that she shows no compassion for what I am going through, she only thinks of herself. All of this is so painful to me as I reflect on my relationship with MY mother, all I can say is that it was great. It wasn't perfect and we had our differences, but I respected and honored my mother. Never did I hit, slap, curse, kick or punch my mom. Never! But I have been subjected to being cursed at, she has wished me to die, twice, has slapped my face, and hit, kick and punched my all over. So I ask you, how do you still maintain your self respect and try to have a relationship with a person like this? Would welcome your response. Thank you!
Even though you are both adults, you are still the parent. I would always leave the door open for a better relationship
I have been rereading answers like this and it breaks my heart to hear of relationships like this.
I feel sure your daughter has problems but whether you could ever find a way to have them "addressed" is another matter.
You may have to accept the fact that it may never get any better and just try to put ALL of the past behind you - this cannot be accomplished in a short period of time so do not be discouraged if you continue to hurt.
The hurt, loneliness, despair, and all the other feelings are really natural and can happen to anyone at any given time. At least you are voicing your feelings and that has to be a good beginning.
Please go to a church that you feel comfortable in and talk to the pastor about this problem/situation. Be sure that you feel you can talk to the person and it will not be a "gossip" matter.
I know this may be difficult to do but you are the one that needs the help right now.
Forget facebook. I have seen more relationships ruined over facebook and other social media.
Forget about it. There is a facebook thing where for 1 month you post a different photo of something you are grateful for. How do you know she wasn't starting that and perhaps you were going to be in a later photo??
Is it really worth ruining a relationship with your daughter over a picture? NO.
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