I'm 47 and on my 2nd marriage to a younger man. He is verbally, emotionally, and mentally abusive. He criticizes me and blames me for everything. He is a control freak who yells, screams, and swears at me. He throws things like a child and has tantrums. He has to be in control and like to have his own way. I'm always in tears. He checks up on me. We never have sex. He treats me badly. He is threatening and intimidating and it's like walking on eggshells. He has mood swings.
I have 3 daughters from a previous relationship. He hates my kids and my cats. I have no job or money and no one to stay with. I am so low I just want to end it all now so the pain will stop. I live in fear.
I have nowhere to go. No one is going to give me a house as I have no money. I can't drive. I've been with him almost 6 years. I dread the key in the door. He has a job, but is in a lot of debt; he keeps spending all the time. He ripped out the phone line too.
I want a divorce, but cannot see any escape.
Please help me.
By spellbound
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For one thing find a way to get to a battered women's shelter. You more than likely would have to leave the cats behind, but that is small stuff, compared to your life and kids lives. You must have some way to get out. You don't have to worry about a divorce at this time, the main thing is to get out.
Most of the shelters that I have heard of do help with job training, etc. You wouldn't even have to take many clothes with, the shelters usually have boxes of clothes that have been donated, and from what I have heard they are decent clothes.
If you are given money for groceries, squirrel some of that away and keep it in a place where he can't find it. You must have somebody that can help you get away. That being said when you do become free, don't jump into another relationship - be extremely picky about men. It kind of sounds like you aren't picky.
Go to your closest Women's Abuse center; even if you have to take a bus, or call a taxi! Don't tell anyone you are leaving - not even your daughters, unless they live with you. If so, take the girls with you and get out of there ASAP!
Find the closest domestic violence program or women's shelter and call them. They can help you. First and foremost is to get yourself and your children (if they live with you) to safety. I had to use the program when I was in my 20's and there was a court advocate that went with me for moral support and help me feel safe throughout the court process. While I agree with the other person's comments about not dating for a while, the "picky" comment was uncalled for.
Hi - I am sure we all feel for you and hope you are strong enough to get out of this relationship as it will not be an easy thing to do no matter who helps you.
Leaving should be easier since the children are not his and hopefully you will be able to put their safety and welfare first and get the help you need.
If you have trouble finding help you can call your local police department and they will help you find a place but you MUST be commented to making this move. Do not waver in this decision. The police will also arrange for someone to pick up your cats and maybe they will find a new home as they should NOT just be left behind.
You are fortunate that he is working and you have a time space that you can safely leave. The longer you wait the more difficult it may become.
Try to take only your children's favorite toys as you will receive help with other things. This is a major move as you have become "used" to his abuse over the past 6 or more years and it will take a lot of will power to remain in a shelter. (I know what I am talking about.)
A shelter is a God send for people like you - especially if there are children involved but it is not a "fun" place. You will be required to do your share (or more) of the cooking, cleaning and baby sitting (for mothers who are working) and will have very little privacy.
I hope you will take some of the advice that everyone is giving as I believe you know your position can only be improved by the steps YOU decide to take.
A shelter usually tries to help with job skills because you are going to have to "get out" one day and take care of yourself and your children. This will only be a "stop gap" time to try and keep you safe and help you find a better life. Please take advantage of this help. Our tax dollars help to pay for these services and I for one, willing pay these taxes.
May God bless you and your children as you make your decisions.
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