Husband Verbally Abusive with an Infant?

My husband is verbally abusive to me and is now starting to be to so with my year old son as well. He is 15 years older than me and we began dating when I was 18. He has been married before and has another child, but his ex took that child away when he was a year and a half.

He doesn't have a job and since he has a record, it is incredibly hard for him to find any place that will take him. When we were first together and living in my mother's house, I began to be angry with him and felt like he was controlling everything I did, which he was. I went on a date with someone else, who kissed me, but I felt so ashamed that I didn't continue on. My husband (boyfriend at the time) found out by his daily look through my phone.

I know what I did was wrong, I am not denying that, but he still holds it over me whenever we get into an argument. I understand his distrust of me, but I have tried over the past 3 years to "make it up" to him.

We got married after 9 months of being together, and I got pregnant after 9 more months. During that time he was getting even more upset and even told me that he didn't care if I had an abortion. That one really hurt. During that time we became homeless because he pissed off his family, who we were staying with at the time and they kicked us out.

Now, we are again living with my mother, my younger brother, and the three of us. I am currently going to school to eventually be a doctor and am working an additional 12 hours to cover the 35 hours required by Calworks to receive benefits on my own.

When I am gone, he usually sleeps all morning and ignores the baby when he cries. He yells at him to tell him to shut up, and then wonders why when I come home after school and work and take care of him he doesn't want to be around his father.

Recently I have become so filled with hate for him, even though I really love him. I love my son more, though, and I know it makes my husband mad that I love my son more than him. I want out of the relationship, but I don't make even close to enough money to be out on my own and I have no other family that can help me. I need to stay where I'm at so I can continue school, so I can't move too far away, even if I could. I also don't want my husband to be homeless either.

My husband gets very angry and I try to avoid him. He takes everything out on me and even though I work, get straight As in school, feed, care for, and play with the baby, clean the house and cook. I am always "doing something wrong". He brings up the date I had and gets jealous if I go to school or work wearing makeup because, since I am "pretty" he assumes I am going out to cheat and such, which I am not. He is constantly saying that I don't know anything about anything, gets mad at me if I ask him questions, and then when he is mad and I get mad at him for being mad, he gets worse and threatens to leave us. Before that was the worst thing that could have happened to me, but now, I pretty much wish it would just happen all ready. I want what is best for my son, but I don't know what is the right thing to do anymore. There is nothing much more I can do except to wait until he either leaves or hits me so I can force him out.

By LK