I have been with my partner for 14 years. We have a 10 year age gap between us and 6 children combined. The first time he yelled at me I was terrified and ran for the hills. Being young and desperate for someone to love me I took him back. My partner has never hit me and for some years it got better. Lately when I try and talk to him about issues he calls me names like bitch and whore and says it's my fault because I just go and go until he snaps, The problem is I usually leave things for weeks before I try to approach him to talk about it. He tells me I am a bad mother and it's my fault the children hear us argue. He punches the wall, breaks my things, and tells me he feels like smashing my face in. If I miss a call from him he gets angry and calls me useless. I know that this behavior is wrong, but feel I can't leave.
By Kate
Add your voice! Click below to answer. ThriftyFun is powered by your wisdom!
Talk to the police, and see if you can get a restraining order against him to keep him away from. In your state is there anything like common law marriage, if so you might have to check to see how to dissolve the relationship. You can't leave the house that belongs to you on a permanent basis. You have to be able to get him out. What you really need is some legal advice.
I agree with Redhatter, that you should consult a lawyer. If the house belongs to you, he is the one who should leave. There may be legal issues, and he may have some rights to the house, simply because you have co-habited so long. Here in my province, people who live together for 2 years have the same legal status as those who are married. In most cases, that is to the woman's advantage, but it may not be so in your case.
You should also try and find some group that will give you moral support and advice as to which services you can access in this situation. Perhaps you could contact a women's shelter or the YWCA or your church. If the abuse should happen to be related to alcohol abuse, you could join an Alanon group. You might also want to see a counselor to help you through the emotional issues that you will have to deal with.
Your partner is an emotional abuser. Emotional (verbal) abuse can escalate to physical abuse, especially when he senses you are making a move to leave him. You will need to plan carefully to avoid escalation when you leave. I recommend you work closely with an experienced abuse group before you leave this man.
You will need a well thought out plan before you go. If you do that you can avoid some of the situations that are worrying you right now, such as him confronting you at work or stalking you. Those who work with this behavior will help you know how to deal with these behaviors should they happen; or hopefully avoid them. With a plan and good knowledgeable support I think you can safely leave this man. The fears you have are dealt with by many, and if you make the right connections you will be successful too.
Begin to gather information to deal with the behaviors that worry you and soon you will have the plan you need. God bless you and best of luck. You deserve much better than this, and your partner needs to see the reality of his behavior and that it has consequences so he can grow as a person too.
If you are really wanting to get out of this relationship then you have been given good advice.
You should not "move" out of your house under any circumstances but that does not mean that you have to stay there all the time.
Be careful - but maybe now is the time to file for a restraining order and be sure it includes your place of work. If he will not move out voluntarily, then you may have to ask your police dept. to assist you in removing him from your house.
Be sure that he cannot return for something he "forgot" unless the police accompany him.
You are not in a good situation right now and I hope you will "bite the bullet" and make a firm stand before something really bad happens.
Add your voice! Click below to answer. ThriftyFun is powered by your wisdom!
