I am 31 with 5 kids. The oldest is 14 and the youngest is 4. I have been with my husband for 17 years and married for 3. When my oldest son was little my husband used to hit me and call me a lot of names and I left and went to a domestic violence shelter, but because of his mom we got back. He has not hit me since, but he says he is going to. He also calls me really bad names to the kids.
He has not worked in almost 8 years. I work at a restaurant 38 to 45 hours per week to support everyone. He tells the kids we are getting a divorce and that I don't want to spend time with them and that's why I work so much. When I question him about it he says the kids are lying. He makes fun of the way our 13 year old daughter eats and tells my oldest son he will "hurt him bad" if he is too rough with our 4 year old.
He isn't my oldest son's biological dad, but has raised him. Now that my son is a teenager he wants to meet his real dad and my husband tells him if that's how he feels don't ask him for nothing and he refuses to do anything with him. My husband thinks I should pay him for babysitting our kids while I'm at work.
All my family lives in other states except for my mom who is staying with me right now, until he gets mad at her and kicks her out. I should include that before we got married I left with the kids and moved to Arkansas and he followed. His mom keeps telling me I can never leave him again cause if I do he will kill himself and he tells the kids he doesn't care if he dies.
I don't love him and want a divorce, but he keeps saying he knows more people than I do and if he can't have the kids he will make sure I don't have them either. I know I should leave, but don't know how to go about it. We live in low income housing and I can barely make the rent and other bills because he makes syure that all my checks are gone the day I get it.
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I could never live in an abusive marriage. Leave as fast as you can with your children and go to a woman's shelter.
He is lying. He wouldn't get custody of the kids. The mother almost always does. besides, he does not work. They wouldn't award custody to a non-working parent.
He won't really kill himself, either. He obviously thinks far too much of himself for that. Abusers say anything they can think of to get you to stay. These things aren't true. Since you know how to work hard, you obviously know how to support yourself and your kids. You'll do fine on your own.
I agree about finding your local woman's shelter! They are wonderful and supportive. They have heard it ALL and more and can help you have a life without living in fear for yourself and your children. YOU deserve that!
You are a hard worker. I know it is hard to make that first step but you need to get yourself and your kids out of that situation. They & you deserve so much better.Go to a women's shelter and let them help you.
DON"T leave your home. I live in low income housing and left before to go to a shelter. I don't care what he does you stay right there. Call the police and tell them everything he is doing with the kids. Document his mother knows and how she twists his abuse around on you mentally. Get a social worker on the case with all the kids. There is so much help out there for you.
You can't let your children be exposed to this person any longer! Your son's could end up just like your husband when they are older. That is a fact. Throw that bum out NOW.
Although your situation & circumstances may be different, there are many from this site that are now, or have been in very similar situations. You are not alone but only you can truly assess your situation and then make decisions on what and how to change it.
It appears that you are/may not be in physical harm but under a very damaging mental abuse situation. Damaging to you and all of your children.
I do not know where you live but perhaps you could start by talking to someone in your community services where you first applied for housing so you will know where you stand if you stay (and make him leave) or what will happen if you leave with your children. Facts about this will help you make that important decision.
Whatever you decide to do - please consult with your local police and community services before you make a move of any kind.
You need to make him leave. Go to the housing authority and tell them you want to leave him and that you want him out of your house. They should help with this (I have lived in low income housing also). Call the law, tell them you dont want him there. If you call them out enough they will start to make him leave at least over night. Call a children services and report him telling them your entire story and that you want him out of the house.
Do not listen to this crap about killing himself or him getting custody of the kids. He could never get those kids being out of work that long, no car, no money, no where to live on his own. Go to financial aide and get help getting the divorce started. It is alot to get done but it will work and you have to get started to get him out. Good luck.
I'm very sorry for you. You and your children suffer needlessly because of an immature, lazy, controlling bully.
He must go, A.S.A.P. Ignore his mother, she probably was an abuse victim herself (these things cycle through the generations). If, by some bizarre twist he decided to make good on his childish threats it should not be on your conscience.
I hope you can find the courage and strength to do the right thing for yourself and your children.
Just want to point out something-
There is a lot of well-meaning advice here. Some people are saying call Child Protective Services. But if you do that before you leave the house, it will just be your word against his. Your husband may tell them you are lying and you are the one with the real problem. His mother may back up his story. If they don't know who is telling the truth they may take the kids away from you until they can get it sorted out.
Ask anybody who has had it happen. Once the kids are in the system it can be a really long time before you get them back.
I would not suggest getting CPS involved until you are well away from him, and then only if really necessary. Work with a domestic violence group or some other group instead. Once you get CPS involved you are in the system literally forever, for good or ill.
I don't want to totally terrify you, but I do want to emphasize that you must leave, or get your husband removed from the house as soon as possible. I don't exactly know the best way to go about this, but I would start with a woman's shelter. Since you are the one who is working, you might also start with a lawyer &/or the police. You know this is what you should do. Just do it. It will not be easy,but it will be the best thing you do. In my small hometown, we have just had an abusive common law husband kill his wife, her three children by her first husband, and then he took their 6th month old baby to his parent's home, and shortly thereafter, killed himself. Before he took his own life, he took photos of the mom and the three little kids and sent those photos to the biological dad. Over and over on Facebook, this poor young man has posted messages to women and kids to leave abusive homes. It is the only way he is able to cope with the death of his 3 small children. Please, for the sake of this man, and his murdered ex-wife and children, leave this abusive man before anything more terrible happens to you or your children.
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