I'm a senior living with my alcoholic son and my 15 year old dog. I'm walking on eggshells. He blew up on something minor 3 weeks ago and is punishing me. I'm trying to figure out how Al Alon works online. We live in a house that was left to both of us in a trust, so it's not like I can make him move.
I don't have an outlet for my depression. I'd love to get away and go on a trip but I'm uncomfortable leaving my dog for boarding. I can't even take my dog anywhere because if I try picking him up, he bites. My son usually doesn't have trouble getting him in and out the car, he won't bite him. After this last blowup, my son went to visit my my daughter for 4 days. He treats her like a princess. Bought her a $500 gift. Took her family out to eat, and bought groceries while he was there. Then he came home and went to his room. He didn't come out till he knew I had gone somewhere.
Yesterday, he bought me flowers for Mother's Day. I didn't put them in water ASAP. I didn't know what to say about the flowers because the least little thing sets him off. I was afraid I'd say the wrong thing. But I got the flowers out of the trash and put them in a vase. I get up this morning and the flowers are gone. I'm so hurt and really angry. Anyone reading this will probably think this is all made up. But this is what it's like living with an alcholic. I'm in my 80s, have no friends, a son that seems to hate me and a daughter that wants no part in all of this. I'm stuck in a rut with no place to go. Not going to harm myself but want this all to end. Thanks for listening.
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Your alcoholic son needs boundaries. If he wants to live with you, he has to stop drinking and go to AA meetings. You are enabling him.
I would call this hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233) and they should be able to help you with your situation. Here is the link also:
www.thehotline.org/
It sounds like you and your son are living in a very volatile environment and that is not good for either one of you.
Your son is an adult and has the legal right to live in this house that you both share so there should be some sort of arrangements made that you each have separate living spaces.
You may need counseling but Al-Anon does not provide this:
"No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support."
Are you saying that you cannot go to Al-Anon meetings in your area? This would be the best way to take advantage of their services.
Online is okay but not like one-on-one meetings.
www.ola-is.org/
www.samhsa.gov/
There are probably county agencies that could help you if you search Google for family services using your zip code.
About the problem with your dog; buy a dog/car ramp so he can get in and out of the car by himself.
www.amazon.com/
Alcoholism is a disease, read and learn as much as you can about alcohol and how it affects the brain to better understand what is happening to your son.
Remember that you cannot help someone that does not want to help themselves. You must keep in mind that it is his choice to drink.
Separate your child and the addiction. The addiction is not your son.
Be concerned, caring, non-judgmental.
Draw your boundaries and keep yourself healthy. Love yourself.
Read the advices:
How Can I Help My Son Stop Drinking?
www.lakeviewhealth.com/
If Your Loved One Is Refusing Treatment
www.addictioncenter.com/
I'm so sorry that you don't have any way to move somewhere else. I believe AlAnon meetings would provide you some support and will help you develop a friend base that could lead to more activities and opportunities. In-person meetings would be even better if you could find something in your area. I would also encourage you to go to gatherings in your area regularly; like church, volunteer activities, or exercise groups.
It would be nice if your daughter could step in to help smooth things over with your son, as they seem to have a close relationship.
I hope that things will improve with you very soon.
Im so sorry youre dealing with this. I grew up in an alcoholic home, my mother.
As a teenager, it was difficult; I can relate.
You said its like walking on eggshells, is he violent? How often does he drink? Would he be willing to attend a meeting with you?
You really need to seek help, for both if not just you. You should be enjoying your golden years, not being scared in your own home.
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