I'm Jessie, I'm 14 years old and a 3rd year high school student. I'm going to have a prom and I don't know what to do. What if our theme is a cocktail dress? Should I wear stockings because I am so embarrassed about how I look.
I have hairy legs, but I notice my mom has smooth and soft skin and I'm opposite of it. The other day I saw a razor in our bathroom and I felt like I should use it to shave my legs. Then when I started to shave a little part of my skin I remembered that I should ask my mom if I could shave my legs. So I started to ask her if I could shave my legs. She just said "No. Many girls have hairy legs. The hair on your legs will become more and more thick and darker if you do. Trust me. You're too young for thinking that and your are so insecure, just study hard!"
I started to run in my room and started to cry. She doesn't know what I am feeling. When I wear shorts I fake feeling comfortable because every time I wear shorts everybody's looking at my legs and I can see how their faces react. They are like saying, "eew". So can somebody help me? Sorry for my grammar I'm not good at it, but I tried hard.
By harlett
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Hiya from Scotland:) I'm not all that with grammar either (I LOVE run-on sentences) so it might be easier for you to get the following if you read it out loud to yourself.
First and most important (and you knew I was going to say this) she's your mum and she is in charge-if she says you can't shave your legs you have to follow her rule.
Mums make rules for their offspring for a reason-to protect and teach the offspring how to get along in the world safely. This is done in hopes of raising a healthy child to adulthood.
Her stated reasoning on this particular rule is that not shaving will keep hair growth to a minimum, thus saving you the trouble of shaving regularly, and possibly saving you money on shaving supplies. She's probably also imagining you inflicting a serious shaving wound that could become infected, make you totally sick, and leave a lifelong scar (ask me how I know this-I have a few shaving scars from the first year of shaving) and she wants to protect you from that.
LOL, this is what mums do when they love their child-they make rules to try to teach their child how to make life safer, easier, and cheaper so that when you are an independent adult you spend less to live better:)
However. Right now you are enduring some very serious embarrassment when your legs are exposed (I'm assuming in sporting activities at school, or on warm days whilst out with your friends) and now you have this huge social event about to happen that may cause you even more embarrassment.
I am American by birth and upbringing, and now live in the UK. In both countries it's usual for most girls to begin shaving legs and underarms around 11 or 12. So the other girls around you are shaving and they are looking at you as though you are totally out of touch because you aren't shaving. That hurts, you feel different and not in a good way. You don't want to be that different!
You don't say what country you live in or what your cultural traditions are but I am assuming (since you are anticipating this prom) that you come from a culture that is similar to mine. I well remember how much it hurt when my 14 year old schoolmates made fun of me for being too different. I'm way old enough to be your grannie so the hurt can really stick with you from teenaged years!
To be honest it sounds as though your mum has either forgot how hard it is to be 14, or somehow miraculously managed to get through her teen years with a minimum of hurt. Keep reading:)
You also say that your mum doesn't understand what you are going through. Have you considered asking her for a quiet hour of her time to talk about this?
Maybe you could present your case (for a rule change) in this way: ask her for a sit-down talk when it's a good time for her-not just in from work or after she's just spent hours catching up on household chores, cooking or baking, etc. You want her to be relaxed and able to hear you and she won't be able to if she's tired from hours of hard work or a similarly stressful and tiring activity.
Chose a place for your discussion that is away from any potential interruptions so that you can 'state your case' and peacefully negotiate with her without losing your train of thought from interruptions.
Once you are sitting down together tell her you need to ask her for advice coping with the stares, rude laughter, comments, etc, when people see that at age 14 you still aren't shaving your legs. Ask her if she experienced any similar hurtful embarrassment when she was a teenager. (See, sometimes mums have to have their memory jogged about what it was like to be too different at aged 14)
Tell her how awful this is for you, and how it makes you want to stop participating in activities that expose you to what you are experiencing as hurtful ridicule of your unshaved legs; also tell her how worried you are that you're going to endure much worse at the formal dance. Tell her how that worry is spoiling your pleasure at anticipating the event.
You might also want to do some Internet research for reputable (reliable, credible because the source is a recognised authority on the subject) source of proof that on the contrary, shaving doesn't cause hair to grow back thicker, etc. If your mum is the type of mum who accepts advice from this kind of source, be sure to show her your bookmarked research results. It might help her come to the understanding that medical authorities say shaving or not shaving, your legs are going to grow hair just the same.
Between her finding out how awful it is for you to be the only one not shaving and that medical authorities are OK with 14 year olds shaving, she might change the rule for you.
If she doesn't, well, at 18 (depending on what country you live in) you can move out of her home and take full charge of your life, making your own rules including if you shave your legs.
Whatever happens, stay calm (but it's ok to cry) during the talk. Don't scream at her if she is unable to see your points. This is all part of growing up-showing her that you can handle both a calm discussion and the possibility that you will not achieve your goal of a rule change is the way to gain her respect for your growing maturity.
If she won't change the shaving rule, wear lightweight long trousers in warm conditions to hide your legs-tell your gym coach/PE teacher that you are hiding hairy legs, they'll understand; for the prom, even if a cocktail theme is chosen you can get away with a long frock as long as it's simple and not too 'fancy' Something lovely with no glittery trims, no deep neckline or exposed back because dresses like that fall into the 'glamourous evening gown' category, not the cocktail styles. You'll be safe from jibes (word for the day, look it up, you'll love that word:) and look wonderful!
Will you post back in and let us know how it goes?
Yes my mom is the same. Every girl at my school is allowed to shave there legs and in a way I feel left out. Also I feel embarrassed just when its hot and I am the only one who is wearing jeans (my mom says Im too old for legging but Im only ten). My legs are so hairy and I feel so uncomfortable.
This is a tough one. Your mom said "no", and she is the boss. Have you tried telling your mom how you feel? I remember how it was to be a teenager. Other children can be very cruel to others even about something as small as hairy legs. I too have very hairy legs, so I know how you feel. Some other suggestions are to bleach your leg hair, have them waxed, or use an epilator. You can see if your mother would be okay with any of those. I like waxing or using an epilator. Every time I use them, less hair grows back than I had before. It is time consuming, but it is worth it for less hassle and worry about your legs.
Make sure you wax or epilate several days before your event in case it takes your skin that long to recover. I also use castor oil on my skin after waxing or epilating. It is a natural pain killer and helps your skin heal. It is very soothing and has healing properties. It also helps get the sticky wax residue off your skin.
Bleaching works if your hair is not that thick, but if it is thick, you will still be able to see it. I hope this helps you, and I hope you are able to be honest with your mom about how you feel. I know your mom would not want you to be in distress over this. Also, consider the possibility that she is right. Are you making a big deal out of a little hair or being too sensitive about your looks? Ask yourself honestly. Good luck!
I forgot to mention. Your grammar is pretty good. It is a lot better than many have at your age (and older).
Can you talk to a female teacher or school counselor to have a quiet word with your mother? or perhaps a relative? I had the same problem when I was your age, having hairy legs showing is very embarrassing and I feel for you. In the end, my aunt spoke to my mother and persuaded her to let me shave my legs.
Hi - sounds like you have some good advice. Does your Mom read this column? If not, maybe you could show this to her and let her see how and what everyone has advised you. Might help (and might not!).
I do urge you to get an aunt or another adult female friend or relative to speak to your mom. Or perhaps, if your dad is approachable, he might intercede on your behalf.
First, be assured that most people are NOT looking at your legs to see if they are shaved or not. And anyone who would comment on or tease you about it is NOT your friend. However, that being said, there is absolutely no reason not to shave your legs if you think that they need shaving and you would prefer to have them look hairless. Shaving is by far the least invasive method of hair removal. I used to use my father's electric shaver and there is no risk of cutting yourself with an electric shaver. (I think it was a couple of years before he realized I was doing so!!! ha ha) Shaving will not make your hair grow back thicker or darker or anything like that. Sometimes it appears that it grows in darker if you have been wearing shorts and the sun has bleached the hair. Of course, when it grows back, it will not be sunbleached.
If there is no way to convince your mom about this at this time, by all means, wear panty hose to the prom. Sometimes girls wear fancy colors of hose to match their dresses. I don't know if that is style at this time, but the gals in a dress shop would be able to advise you of the latest trends.
Okay, I'm not saying you should do this, but I did it in secret, they never really noticed. The only reason I did it was because my mother told me when I was about 12 , that I would start shaving during 11th grade, and she said that the first time you do iT, you can never stop. So my friend gave me so disposable razors every month or so and I have nice shiny smooth legs. My friends mom told me to just do it then don't hide it. I hid it. Just tell your mom how you feel. I know it seems hard ( my mom would always scream at me if I did) but you have to. Tell her if kids pick on you, tell her it will make you feel better about yourself. Get real sad about. Don't get angry tthe.Tell her how insecure it makes u feel. Your mom might get heart broken and give in, because her baby is getting picked on because SHE is not letting u grow up.
lol i actually followed what u said and it failed. My mum found out a week later when i wore shorts with confidence that my legs looked way to shiny.....she told my dad and my siblinsg were laughing at me a lot. My dad shouted at me when he fricken has no right to as he isnt a girl. MY mum shouted at me took my razor and enjoyed watching my dad shout at me and i cried into my room and was so sad. After that day i wear long pants to school feeling sad and insecure that other girls at school wear shorts with nice shiny clear legs and there mums allow them and they talk about it and u see me.... any ideas now? Im 13 nearly 14 and im a ninth grade in a few months :/
just shave your legs without her knowing. you are in high school, its your body not hers.
also scientific research said that if you shave your legs the hair will grow back the same as it was before. find a legit site to show to her the evidence.
if she still says no just do it its none of her business.
good luck
Hi, I dont know if anyone still reads this but Ill try, I am in middle school and all my friends have stared shaving. Ive been wanting to but my mom has said no. I have a older sister is 8th grade and even her is not allowed to shave. Because Im in 6th grade, girls can judge and it really hurts. One day a girl came up to me and said that I should shave and even thought I know I shouldnt listen, I cried a lot that night. My mom is currently going through some health issues and one time I asked if I could start to shave and she got so upset she even told my dad. My dad called me and told me that I was crazy and needed to stop bothering my mom. Last year I didnt wear shorts once because I was so insecure about my leg hair. I dont know what I should do please help!
Hey bestie I am in 7th almost 8th and my mom calls me a wh0re bc she caugh me, DOnt shave behind her back, I still cant, Im trying to build up the curage to ask even tho I know she will say no
Hi!
I have the same problem and i cant shave my leg hair but there a few things i do to help me feel better about myself. Firstly, bleaching your leg-hair is good. I have naturally blonde hair on my legs but for others, bleaching it makes it a bit nicer. Also, moisturising your legs with an intense moisturiser helps the hairs stay down. Finally, your hair on your legs at the moment is the best it will ever be compared to shaven, then re-grown hair. This is because it is thin at the ends, unlike bluntly cut-off hair.
Anyway, Good luck!!
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