My middle child is 12 now and is still afraid of the dark because she feels unsafe and believes that if she turns the light off someone will kidnap her or kill her in a twisted way. How do I assure her that she is safe?
By Athena A.
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Realize that this may well be a temporary issue. I would suggest asking her what you and she might do so that she would feel more safe. Perhaps, a small light left on? A night light or two? A hall light on with her bedroom door open? Doing something to "secure" windows? If you see her concern as a developmentally appropriate response to a (real or perceived) threat, collaborating with her, creatively, to find a resolution will help her develop her own self-trust and ability to work with her fear.
First of all, try to find out what has made her frightened. She may not feel able to talk to you, but perhaps another member of the family or her teacher can find out. Thinking back to my own days as a 12 year old, I had heard about all kinds of child abuse and also knew of people who were operating outside the law in my community, for example, drug dealing. I lived in a highly respectable area too. Children get to hear about all sorts of things at school, from the other children. They may not feel able to talk about things that they have heard, to parents.
I had gotten my boys a dog, that would sleep with them. I would tell the boys the dog will protect you. I made sure the dog would sleep in the boys room either on the bed or between the boys.
Another thing is to check to find out why she feels this way, did something happen elsewhere and she didn't tell you... But my best thing to help is always a dog. A dog is a great warning and guard for her.
I wish it was possible to promise safety to every child and adult but the reality is you can't. Just love the child and leave the light on. Besides what can it hurt to help them feel safe?
Fear of the dark at this age and older can be a normal thing, but it can also be a sign of other things.
My daughter had been sleeping normally, but suddenly a few years ago she could not go to sleep at all unless I was in the room. She was exhibiting some other behavior also that was strange. I questioned her about sexual abuse, and she told me a trusted family friend had touched her inappropriately. The man is now in jail, but she was afraid that he would come in the night and take her out of her room. It was a difficult road, but we found many things to help her. She has two night lights. (I turn one of them off when she is asleep.) Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) has helped a great deal. She taps while saying Bible verses about Jesus being with her and taking care of her. Controlled breathing has also been a great help as have essential oils. Peace and Calming, Lavender, and Orange Oil from Young Living are her favorites.
Another important thing is that your daughter be taught to take care of her anxiety herself. She is making herself afraid when there is no real, immediate danger. She has to learn that she is her own safe place (from Lucinda Bassett's series).
Another possible reason for the fear is that she may be super sensitive to the spirit realm. My other daughter is that way. She can sense the spirits as they roam about. This can cause her a lot of fear. I can sense them some as well, but I am not as sensitive to them as she is. We are Christians, so I just keep reassuring her that with Jesus, the spirits cannot harm her. They are around doing their evil work passing from place to place.
Your daughter may be prone to anxiety as well. It does run in families. Does she show any other signs of fear in any other situation? Those of us with anxiety can get really good at hiding it, so you have to be super sensitive to her behavior in order to pick it up. Does she have to do certain things in a certain order? Does she ask a lot of questions when something out of the ordinary happens? These kinds of behavior can be a way for people to cope with anxiety.
I hope you find this helpful or find another way to help your daughter. God bless you both.
I wouldn't worry too much. My grand-daughter who is 14 has only recently stopped needing a night light and as for me at 64 I still like one on in the hallway. But having said that if it's only a recent fear, I would definitely try to find out if there was a specific event that caused this or something on TV news that was the trigger.
Sorry to hear of your Daughter's fear of the dark. This is not unusual in children but at her age there could be an underlying physiologist problem. Sound advise from posts suggesting a Dog but make sure you tell her it's HER guardian and try RSPCA or any Animal Welfare to rescue one.
After many attempts to reassure our grandson that no one was going to break in our home, he was still worried. I realized that I wasn't addressing his fears. I told him that if someone broke in, Papa would catch them, call the cops and they would be arrested. He was fine after that!
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