Picking Between Two Guys?

I'm dating this guy (Jimmy) and he's my one true love and I'm not sure if it's confirmed, but I kinda am into his best friend (Bob). I feel so guilty because I love Jimmy and liking Bob seems like my fault. I just feel so overwhelmed, stressed, and guilty. Can someone give me some advice, or reassurance, or tell me what I need to do or feel? I know a lot of people are gonna say talk to Jimmy, but I need other advice too.

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Ana
Bronze Post Medal for All Time! 140 Posts

March 4, 20200 found this helpful

Best Answer

This is breaking a code between friends. One of the 2 should come clean and say , that the relationship should not happen because they are friends. Think of one of your close friends, guy ,trying to be with you, knowing that your close friend is into him. This will roll down hill eventually! Be honest with yourself, don't be that person that develops a negative reputation!

poehere
Bronze Post Medal for All Time! 105 Posts

March 4, 20201 found this helpful

Best Answer

Relations are a lot like marriages. You pick the person you want to be with and make it work between you. If you really love the guy like you say you do and he is really your one true love then Bob should remain as a friend and that is all he can be. You can't have it both ways in a relationship. You need to be honest with yourself and take a good look at what you really want from your life and your relationship. If you dump Jimmy and go with his best friend Bob the only thing will happen is a lot of hard feeling and you will not only loose your one true love but your one true love will loose his best friend.

Do you really want to let this happen? Talking with Jimmy about Bob is only going to make matter worse for both of you. You should talk with Jimmy about you and him and see how he feels about you. If he feels the same as you do then drop this silly matter with Bob and stay with the guy you claim you love. You can always be friend with Bob and enjoy his company when you are with Jimmy.

haydemon
Gold Answer Medal for All Time! 617 Answers

March 8, 20201 found this helpful

Emotions are garbage. That's really the extent of my insight and advice.

Look at the predicament: here you are having an emotional bond, driven by the role of oxytocin in the brain www.livescience.com/42198-what-is-oxytocin.html,

a feeling that helps you identify who is someone emotionally and lifestyle compatible with you - and here you have dopamine, sitn.hms.harvard.edu/.../
making you sexually attracted to some male who probably has some sort of alpha attributes (manliness, possibly money, etc) whom you WILL feel attraction for no matter how much you'd rather not, and here you are, torn between those two.

Add to that residual waste-of-a-life meta-emotions www.gottman.com/.../ such as guilt etc etc that add unpleasant fire onto an already polarized and stressful situation, and you have a recipe for a lot of uselessness, energy-wasting drivel - all because human social structures don't really fit in well with humans' biological and emotional realities.

Sadly I don't have any advice. There is no advice. You are now burning on the crucible of the utter vapid waste which is the Human Condition, especially in regards to mating/relating, and you will not be liberated from this till your dying day.

Welcome to the Human Condition.

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