Sharing Bills With Partner?

DCA
Bronze Answer Medal for All Time! 220 Answers

February 4, 20150 found this helpful

This is a tough one and will be difficult to rectify based upon your partner's behavior. Her refusal to any job except in her field is a very convenient excuse to avoid commiting to a reasonable agreement on her financial responsibilities. In this difficult employment picture, whatever her field of study, it will be difficult to find a job in her field for a 40 year old female looking for an enty level job. Employers want younger, less expensive employees. I suggest a solution below, however, you may decide not to address your problem in this way. You have not been able to work out an agreement that holds so only you can make a decision on your solution.

Is your partner named as owner in any way on the house? Hopefully no?

I suggest that you:
*first gather all regular bills, income and any future expenses anticipated. Include your partner's monthly expenses and income.
*Make an appointment with an accountant service for you only and explain that you want to find a reasonable resolution to the current inequity and future changes if your partner finds any type of job.
*Obviously, this is the hard part-explain your financial frustration to your partner and make an appointment with the accountant to meet with you and your partner to come to an agreement about income and expenses.

Your partner will certainly realize that you mean business but her response can vary from emotional havoc to mute nonacceptance. It appears she has no place else to live with her kids as cheaply as with you so she will probably try an emotional ploy to avoid commiting to anything. Then you must decide if you want to continue living in a situation that is unacceptable to you and very convenient for her.

cybergrannie
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February 6, 20150 found this helpful

Several questions arise as anyone reads your message.

1) Are you really asking for advice/solutions or just affirmation that she is not paying her fair share?

4) You casually mention her "kids" in the last few sentences - so how many "kids" are you talking about? Number of people living/eating in a household make a big difference in monthly costs - not to mention other things like entertainment/cell phones/clothing/insurance.

It does appear that your roommate has not had to provide for herself (and kids?) so she has no idea as to the real cost of living in the real world - otherwise she would be looking for a job and then continue looking in her own field and she would be providing more money toward the cost to house her and her kids.

This will probably never really change (even in marriage) so you really need to put a lot of thought into your next moves.
Counseling would help but talking to friends may not.

Abigail A.

February 6, 20150 found this helpful

Full-time student. I suppose she was living off of loans and scholarships. Now she turns her nose up at anything that isn't a good-paying job in her chosen field.

She's never had to live in the real world, and she isn't doing it now. She's paying you a pittance to basically support her and her kids.

You need to have a talk with the 40-year-old student. I agree that adding up the bills, including food, and showing her how much it actually costs to run a household is a good way to go.

Then explain to her she needs to get a job. Any job. She's a grown-up and needs to provide for her children and contribute to the household, even if she's making little.

Louise B.
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February 8, 20150 found this helpful

I notice we are not quite as harsh with this poster as we are when the genders in the question are reversed. If you were a woman, and your partner was a man, we would be counseling you to "throw the bum out". However, I am thinking that if you can not get her to get a job and pay her fair share, you seriously need to consider ending the relationship, unless you are prepared to carry her and her children forever.