I am a 31y/o woman living with my boyfriend, who is 56 and succesful in his career. I have lived in his house for a few months now and we've been together for almost 2 years. I knew he had plans for his 32 y/o son, who has very mild autism, to stay with him for a year to help him with his obesity.
I help with the house, I'm the cook, I play as his son's dietitian, exercise partner, driver, I take him to shows and do fun stuff. Also, I have a 4 day a week job as a dental assitant. I love them so much and I know they love me too. My boyfriend is going to retire soon (he worked at a bank with a good position) and he has slowly been asking me for monetary help.
I feel like I work a lot at home and also for both of them and also for myself. I haven't paid anything yet. But if I start paying for rent ($500) should I lessen work at home and get a part time job? I'm also in big debt.
About my relationship with my bf, we talked about marriage before, but with a prenuptial which I strongly agree. He told me all his money is going to his son. Which doesn't bother me at all.
So all this, I feel like I'm not getting anything out of it. I will have to work for my future of course, work at home, and still pay rent? Is it right that I have to pay rent and work as a "full time mother" aside from my job?
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It sounds like you don't think you should be paying rent, in which case you should leave the situation a.s.a.p. It also sounds like you can't really afford to pay your own rent But he's going to insist you do so you better find another room mate fast, since he's getting a far better deal than you. How did he manage before you came along?
It was just the two of us living together at first, and 2 months ago his son moved in with us so we can take care of him. In fairness to him, he warned me it's going to be hard. But it wasn't really that hard, I enjoy time with them. But I feel unappreciated now.
It was just the two of us living together at first, and 2 months ago his son moved in with us so we can take care of him. In fairness to him, he warned me it's going to be hard.
Your friend has a great set-up: a live-in care taker for his son, cook, dietitian, house keeper, etc. Now that your friend is soon to retire he may feel uncertain about his finances and wants you to pay "rent" (additional retirement money) and certainly to continue the services you provide. If your friend had to pay for all of your services for his son, they would be very expensive! How much longer does he intend to provide your services?
You are in an untenable position-heavy debt, part-time employment, apparently few other resources etc. You are essentially trapped in your present situation. I strongly suggest that you follow your instincts-find additional work to save for an emergency fund, significantly reduce or stop all services for the son, pay your friend rent of some amount and prepare yourself to exit when this difficult situation worsens.
Before I feel like I can't live without him, but now I really want to make a conversation with him to talk about my future. If marriage is still in the plan.
Get out as soon as possible. This man is using you as an unpaid housekeeper, caregiver, cook, chauffeur and heaven knows what else. If he loved you as much as you think he does he wouldn't be planning to leave all his money to his son, and he would marry you. As a wise woman once told me: "Never under estimate the human female's capacity for fooling herself - especially when it comes to men!"
I agree with every one of these comments telling you to get yourself out of this situation. I wouldn't even call it a "relationship", as we know the definition.
I feel unappreciated. I do everything I can for both of them even though I know I don't get anything out of it. I believe in karma and very patient. I feel like this is some kind of a test. But if he won't talk about marriage I will just leave.
At the very least, if you love this man and value the relationship, talk to him about your concerns. He'll be retiring soon and may want to plus have the time to do more around the house in addition to taking over some of the obligations of caring for his child. At that point, yes, it would be fair for you to pay rent. If you're "in this together," find a solution which works for you both?
Thank you everybody for your insights and opinion. I agree with everything you said and it just confirmed how I feel and what I think. For now, I will talk to him and let him know my concerns just like what wordswork here said. And I will let my man know that it hurts me whenever he mentions about giving all his money to his son, when I don't even ask for anything from him. I really appreciate all of your comments everybody. Thank you.
Hi everybody, thank you for all your comments and sharing your opinions. I really appreciate it. LIke what I replied to wordswork, I will talk to my man first and see what happens. I will be back here and share the outcome. Again, thanks to all of you.
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