I been living in my boyfriend's house for over 4 years. He is divorced with 3 kids. I quit my job and moved out of my town into his. Because of the girls schedule, we have 50% of the time, I take care of them. We decided then that I wouldn't have to work, and I would stay home and take care of them.
Should I be paying rent or helping out financially even if I don't have a job. I also do the shopping, cleaning, laundry, meals, and bills. I don't mind helping financially, but I'm not sure what is fair? I can only get a job when he isn't at work, and he sometimes works 6 days full time. I have bought the kids clothes and shoes and other things, and I really shouldn't, but he can't always afford to. I have started an at home business, and at first he was supportive, but now he really isn't. It works good for me, because I can work from home. I'm just starting my own business. Should I stay or go? Help with finances or is taking care of his kids a fair swap?
By Jacqueline
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I think you are doing plenty. That being said I would never have moved in with him and got into the situation you are in. I tell all young women when they are talking about getting into a relationship to make sure they save a little money every week, have their own checking account, credit card, etc. in case they ever have to get out in a hurry. You just never know what will happen in the future. These things are something that the significant other should never know about. Your significant other shouldn't need help buying clothes for his kids, if he has the kids 50% of the time his ex-wife must be buying some of them and he should be able to afford to buy some too, it isn't like he has to buy all of them.
Redhattrb is right. You are doing enough. If your business works out for you, don't let that go. You may need it to support yourself. That said, have you ever sat down, figured out what you both use/bills each month, then factor in what day care and such would cost? If your being there and helping with his kids is worth more than day care, then don't do anything. If it is less, offer to pay the difference or put that money in a savings for the kids.
Nothing breaks a good thing like money. If you two love each other and the kids are happy, put some money ahead for yourself and keep things the way they are. If this is more like a live-in caregiver, then put more away for you then for anyone else. He has a pretty sweet deal so he would be a fool to screw things up...but sometimes men do just that. Good luck!
I too agree with redhatterb. I was in that situation before, but without a home-based business; did it for three years. I felt like I had sold my soul. I think all you are doing is a fair trade, but I also think you should keep your business going.
Nothing beats having your own income, no matter how big or small. Even if you just get a little income from it monthly, keep it going-you never know when you will really need it, and to have the business already going will make life easier.
This is not necessarily if you two split, but also if something happens and you just need the money, like if something big needs to be fixed in the house. Would be nice to have a safety cushion whether you are with him or not-suddenly becoming strapped for cash stresses even the best relationship.
You are doing plenty for this family. If you added up the cost of the services you provide you would be amazed. It would be well over $100,000 yearly. You need to keep you needs and priorities up front and well served.
With only 1 child involved, I did this ONE time. I was the young, pretty girlfriend who thought the relationship we had would just never end. I loved him and he needed me so bad!
I moved into his home 90 miles away, gave up my job and assumed the position. Parents shared joint custody but, the father had physical custody. I assumed the "mother role" all the way. How could someone not? I was also the "go-between!"
Then about 7 years into the relationship he decided that his child was old enough to become a "turn key" adolescent. Our relationship changed, no arguments or such but, as the child got older, I was so busy running. I got tired.
Don't think that he did not know how "lucky" he was going to be! Expenses? Well, he would be paying for them with or without you. If marriage comes along, Great! you can spend that money to make yourself beautiful without dependence. If it all goes south.. at least you would have money to buy clothing, go job hunting and maybe afford an apartment. Do not sell yourself short. Do not feel obligated to give anymore than you are.. him working 6 days a week to pay for what he already has to pay for, is not for you to worry.
I wanted to give you insight to the other side of living with a boyfriend. Remember if your name is not on the house... it is not yours. Good luck and I sincerely wish you the best not the bitter.
You have already given up your entire life for him and his family; and you do more than your share. Whoese idea was it for you to add to the financial expenses, his or yours? If his, he's definitely taking advantage of you; if yours, just drop the idea and bank the money.
If you have a good relationship with the kids and choose to treat them, go ahead and do it. If your relatonship with him is solid and you choose to treat him, great. You are under no obligation to do so, and until you'd get married, if the relatonship fails, you'd be the one walking away with nothing. Take care of yourself too--bank the rest.
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