I am an 8 year widow. I have a house in my name. My boyfriend lives with me, but says it's not his house and does nothing as far as cleaning, etc. I am the maid. He thinks $250 a week is too much to pay. I pay the mortgage plus more. He deducts his gas and cigarettes from that. Those are not household expenses. I feel like I'm being used and abused. He does nothing and withholds any $ that are left after his deductions, as punishment. We have no written legal agreement; he wouldn't sign.
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Freedie the Freeloader has a great life-he has free lodging, food and a slave to do the cooking, cleaning and all other services. Why should he bother to sign or do anything as you allow him to remain in your house and give him everything he needs and wants for free. Certainly he is using and abusing you and why not???
You already know the answer to your problem!!! You must be the one who changes as he will not change his ways for you or anyone else. Throw the bum out!!!
Ah, hell. Let the man stay. He is a user and you are one who allows themselves to be used. Sounds like an ideal relationship, to me.
What kind of answer do you want, anyway? You already know the best thing to do. You didn't mention anything good about him. Heck, he's probably not that good 'you know where'.
I've been around. I've seen too many good women go for bad men. All could have done better, but for some reason, they didn't. Maybe it's due to low self esteem, I don't know. If it is, counseling is in order.
There's no need to call this man names or put labels on him. He is what he is, whether in your life or someone else's.
The spot you are in now, can be a very lonely place. Talk to somebody. Talk with a therapist. Find out why you could do better, but wont.
You deserve to find a man who will be 50/50 that is what a relation ship is about . my brother moved his girlfriend in and she said she would pay half of all bills well she has never paid any bills and he has told her to start pitching in and paying her share or get out . if you are paying most or all of the bills I would rather do it on my own than pay someone else way !
I do love smart women (that would be the gals who responded) and hope you can join that club in the near future.
You feel you're being used (abused) because you are being used!
Kick this looser to the kerb, he needs to go today! Get help from friends not unwilling to use a 'helping hand' (ie assisting him to the door and pitching his goods after him) or call on your local law enforcement to clear him out before he helps himself to your property and bank accounts!
YOUR problem is not that the man is using YOU. He has done nothing YOU haven't allowed. And the fact that he is a user is not a problem for him, either. So, his behavior is not the issue here. I repeat, his behavior is not the issue, here. Who's to say he should be what YOU would have him be?
Sure, the relationship needs to end as safely and as quickly as possible. But instead of placing blame, YOU need to take responsibility for YOUR part in this fiasco. YOU never said the man physically forced YOU to participate in this unhealthy affair.
My point is, there must have been signs earlier on as to this man's lack of moral character, yet YOU allowed the relationship to continue to its current, dismal point.
YOU should stop focusing on him. If YOU choose to put all the blame on him, then YOU have learned nothing from this bad situation and probably will make the same mistake again in YOUR choice of significant others, once this current relationship is over. I've seen that happen, too.
Get him out of YOUR life as quickly as possible and then take a serious look (with the help of a therapist, if necessary) into YOUR own behavior. Being an eight year widow and not getting any younger may have caused YOU to see this man as desirable, when he actually wasn't, and then, engage in this relationship, out of a sense of desperation.
YOU are purchasing YOUR own home. That show a sense of responsibility on YOUR part. YOUR next partner/husband will, hopefully, be anxious to meet YOU more than half way with all expenses and the duties of running a household.
That prospective partner/husband is out there. YOU must be willing to see things from a proper perspective, and gain more self respect, so that YOU don't make this mistake again (there are no guarantees in life) while waiting for (and yes, actively pursuing (YOU should)), Mr. Right.
I wish YOU, yes, YOU, all the best life has to offer.
A different POV on this subject -or- As Joe South said "Oh the games people play, now".
Scenario:
' It was my decision to let this man move in with me. Now, I see that it was a wrong decision. Maybe that wrong decision was an honest mistake, but allowing him to stay up to this point, after finding out his true nature, I did with knowledge and clear mind.
Hey, that makes me look weak and needy! I can't have that. It's time to shift the spotlight off me and my mistake, and make it look as if it's all his fault. I know, I'll tell a bunch of women how lazy, selfish and freeloading he is. I'll get a lot of sympathy, and advice on throwing him out. Goody! The sympathy wont solve anything, but it's nice to get, anyway. And as for the advice on throwing him out...well, I already knew that long ago....but hey!...it's the sympathy and advice that counts. Right? Right.
In the meantime, this bum is sitting across the living room from me, stinking up the place with cigarettes, expecting me to empty his ash tray, go get him another hoagie and beer, and draw his weekly bath water.
Tomorrow and the next day will be just like today, but tonight...tonight I can go to bed (yes, with him, durn it), and comfort myself with the knowledge that I have gained support, sympathy and advice from my sisters around the globe'. Yes!
Later:
(Good grief, man. I drew your bath water. You could have taken a bath before you came to bed....and I'll thank you to please get your knee out of my back).
(Woman, I'll have you know that's not my knee).
(What did you say, darlin'?).
Good grief...kick him out. These situations rarely work out, and I think you'll feel better about yourself if you don't agree be a doormat. Read Jeremiah 29:11-13. GOD has a better plan for your life, and I'd guess this guy is not part of that plan.
i'd like to know the outcome of this....Did you kick him out or are you still being the maid to the freeloader?
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