I live with my boyfriend, he owns the home so I didn't get a say in if it was affordable. However it's not bad either, but he lives there with his 2 kids, 10 and 11 years old. He would have to pay the mortgage anyways, it's not like I am taking up any space being that I share a room with him. Should I have to pay half the mortgage and utilities? How about food? My boyfriend thinks it's fair that I split that cost as well.
He makes almost twice as much as I do and has no bills what so ever. I'd like to get myself out of debt so we can have a future. I don't think it's fair I pay half of the food when I am only eating 1/4 of it, if that. I work through dinner hours and eat like a bird the rest of the time. His 2 kids eat twice as much as I can and my boyfriend eats 3 times as much as me. His food costs are astronomical.
Basically I took on a second job to do what he thinks is fair, but I am killing myself and he is saving money. Does any of that seem fair. How can I talk to him? I tried a couple of times and it almost resulted in our breaking up. He wants a girl who can pay half. I am almost positive he is looking at his benefit only.
By Brenda
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In my opinion, you are being used by this guy. Not only are you his bed partner, you are paying half his bills, his mortgage payment and feeding his darn kids. And believe me, I know how much teenagers and preteens can eat! And there's no discussion allowed?
Come on, you can do better on your own. Stop pouring your money into this and save enough to get your own little place. If he cares enough for you (which I don't think he does), he'll stop using you like a doormat. Maybe he'll realize what he had when you pack your shit and move out. Come on girl, show some pride and courage! Please don't marry this dictator.
You should pay a certain amount. What are your grocery bills like? You use electricity, water, you watch tv and use Internet, right?
Look at all your bills for the past six months. Average what each would be for each one. Since a 10 or 11 year old cannot kick in towards bills, pay a third on each one. Groceries are expensive, no matter how much you say you have a small appetite. However, it takes very little to spend about 75-100 dollars a week, and with two kids on the verge of puberty, that is going to rise.
Look into how you can conserve energy, clip coupons, and/or go to coupon sites online. Buy groceries that will last more than one meal. Conserve water.
Yes, he makes more than you, but I think you should pay a third on the bills. Maybe you can pay the entire amount on smaller bills and that way paying a quarter on others would help. Average both ways out and see which way is easier for you.
I do wonder though, if money issues have nearly ended your relationship already, why do you think marriage will change anything? When you marry, will you have joint accounts? Will you be able to put aside any money for some extra treat like nail salons, a pair of shoes, etc?
I think talking to a financial planner, or councilor to see if they have a fair solution you both can agree on. His being protective about his money is okay to a point, he has kids to raise, but to the point you cannot talk about money without fighting or even a bit of compromise, maybe living apart for a while is an option.
He has to trust you. You have to be willing to help him without being grudging.
I have been married almost 16 years. We had times we did not have two nickels to rub together or a piggy bank to put them in. Trust is everything, so is compromise. They are both two way streets.
I hope all works out for you.
You already know the answer to your question. Your relationship is "not" working out. Get out now before you also have children by this man and live miserably the rest of your life.
Please, think twice about a relationship with this man. He is using you and he certainly doesn't respect or love you. I agree in today's world both partners contribute to household expenses. However, he should be responsible for 3; the kids are his. The most you should pay is 1/4 of the bills and food.
Move out.You are better off on your own. He's a user.
I'm wondering the gender of KLS. Those views seems to be quite different from the other posts. I too, believe you are being taken advantage of and being used. I certainly hope you end this relationship before he does because when and if you tell him you'll pay only what's fair he will no longer want you as a mate.
This is not fair at all. At the most, you should be paying 1/4 of the expenses, since you are only one of 4 in the household. Also, unless he is willing to put YOUR name on the house, you should not have to pay toward the mortgage. As well, in any relationship, the one who makes the most money should pay a larger percentage of the costs, based on the size of their earnings.
I really think that you should reconsider your relationship with this man. He does not sound like someone who treats you with respect or kindness. If he did, he would be helping you with your debts, and not making your situation worse.
And then, as others have mentioned, there is the whole housekeeping and chores issue, which you haven't even mentioned. Again, as they are three, and you are one, and you are working two jobs, they should be doing the vast majority of the housework.
I don't think this is a good relationship for you. Give serious thought to whether there is a good future for you with this man. He sounds very controlling to me.
You should pay on things too. Like he buys school lunches and snacks because they are his kids. He should buy their bubble bath and personal care products. I am in a situation similar, but I am the one with the kids. My bf eats me out of house and home. It be wonderful if he even pitched in 1/4 of the rest of the groceries and 1/4 of the utilities, or maybe check in your area and see how much a room and board is, say it 500 a month for a room.
Then you give him that and tell him to buy his school snacks for the kids and you provide every 4th supper (that your there), buy your own pop, and treats. The key here is that you don't want him feeling like he's supporting you and you don't feel you are supporting him and his kids.
I can understand how money could be an issue. I came to this thread because I am moving in with my boyfriend and his 12 yr old son. First of all, I apologize for my bad English since I am french. :) 2nd. I hope you and your boyfriend found a resolution but from the situation you wrote about it does seem like he is very irrational and not acting out of love and compassion.
If he gets an amount from an ex to cover his kids it should go toward the 1/3 of the rent for his kids, their food and personals.
You should reasonably pay a 1/3 to a 1/2 of the rent or what it would cost between renting a room in a household you would want to live in or a 1 bedroom apartment of your own. (what ever you would have done single). 1/2 to a 1/3 telecommunication (internet, cable, telephone), 1/2 to a 1/3 utilities (gas, electricity) and your food/personal items.
***Those may change depending on how many dependents and their ages. 50GB added and higher internet speed cause of an addicted teenager on gaming changes monthly fees. :)
Once you start sharing money...BUDGET. Use online banking and make many accounts and sub accounts. 1 checking account each, 1 saving account each, 1 shared grocery and 1 utility/telecomm account, 1 vacation account, 1 miss/special account and move money around each week or 2 week depending on pays.
Have a jar and put 25-50$ each a week in it...Surprises and special supper, date nights come from there. Groupon, coupons and have a familycalendar. Plan meals and make activities.
Then, for example, who ever does the groceries can take from that account. If there is ever any left over...every end of the month move it to another shared account or split the savings 1/2 and 1/2. :)
If one person makes more than the other, hopefully they are generous and treat the other to surprises, pretty things and if they feel obliged cover more % of the bills or add to shared savings/trips accounts.
If one party own the house or pay a mortgage alone, I do think they should give you a discount on the rent until your name is on the deed or you pay a mortgage because they are investing towards their future with that money invested. There is always marriage to share everything. :)
I guess I answered my own questions. If money breaks many relationship, taking care of it early and fairly will only but be positive in my future.
Only when both parties feel safe and secure will a relationship work. The basic need of shelter and the eventual sharing of it will always take some work towards a comfortable homestead with another.
~Benjamin Lauzon
You should offer. It would show appreciation. Do you cook or clean for him. If so that is some contribution. I had a girlfriend live with me for months and never offered to pay for anything, I mean anything. She didn't cook or clean either.
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