My teen thinks she is going to die if I don't let her wear thongs to school. She is 13 and apparently they make fun of anyone who doesn't wear thongs in gym class. They call normal underwear "Granny Panties"? This has caused a major problem in our relationship. Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share?
Thanks,
Diane from Palm Beach, FL
Kids can be cruel, we all know that from our own history. My daughter is 17 1/2 and she does not own one thong of any type. She says it's just too racy for a teenager in high school to be wearing them. Personally I think it's an adult choice of clothing. Let her pick out whatever bikini underwear she wants, maybe she will be happy with that compromise. Good luck! (02/23/2007)
By Judy
There are other panties she can wear that aren't "Granny" panties. Show her what granny panties actually are and how she can wear cute bikinis with bright colors and patterns, they shouldn't be worrying about seeing each others butt cheeks anyways! :) (02/23/2007)
I gave up that battle. My 13 year old went on and on about getting a thong, to the point where we were fighting on a daily basis. I came to realize it was too little (no pun intended) a thing to be causing so much trouble between us and I let her get one (she paid for them herself). I think she's worn them a few times but the novelty soon wore off.
What if you explained to her how thongs are actually bad for her health and that if she insists on wearing them, you are going to have to take her to a urologist or ob/gyn? Thongs are much more likely to cause a UTI because they rub you the wrong way, literally, and transfer bacteria to the urogenital area. Maybe she should educate some of her friends.
Good luck, this is a tough one! (02/24/2007)
By Kimberly
My personal opinion is that it matters less what kind of underwear one wears than who else sees the underwear and under what circumstances. Wearing underwear that will help her fit in is a lot different than wearing thongs and letting them hang out the back of her low-rise jeans. Myself, I am uncomfortable if I wear anything other than thongs. (02/24/2007)
By Jill
I have two sons and a daughter and I will not allow my daughter to wear a thong. For decades us women wore regular undies and had no problems with how our fanny looked until thongs came about. I think the whole idea of wearing them when you're young is that you want people to see not to hide the actual line. As a grown woman it is definitely a choice, but as a teen mama makes the choice for her. Plus, my sons say that although girls who wear thongs and show them are "eye candy", they would not date them seriously. May want to mention that to your daughter. (02/26/2007)
By Andjerm
She's only 13. You are the mother. Put your foot down and keep it down. If she really wants to wear them she can buy them behind your back and put them on at her friend's houses. That's what we did when our mom wouldn't let us wear makeup at that age. I'm 47 now. But I believe you should be the boss as long as you can. I hate seeing all the parents cowing down to the kids' demands. Seems most kids are terribly spoiled. (02/26/2007)
By Lily
Not a mom, but I see girls at church and they are wearing thongs so we can see them. How gross. Their slacks hit low and the thong shows above where the slacks come. I never saw a granny wear bikini panties. I am heavy and have to wear granny panties. Bikinis are completely different. (02/26/2007)
By sandy
My daughter is only 8. I hate to think about what will be "in style" when she's a bit older. I don't like the thought that we might have to fight about her attire; however I feel I am in charge of her until she moves out. Right now I still buy and pick out her outfits each day. I know the day is coming when she'll want to choose her own clothes but so far she hasn't minded that I'm doing it! (02/26/2007)
I work with our church youth group and from my experiences my advice to you would be, be very honest with her about your concerns, she is old enough to understand. Try your hardest to have open, honest and mature as possible discussions with her and you will have so many fewer troubles in the future. Try to come to a happy medium, as was said by another reader, there are lots of cute, not granny, but not raunchy panties out there. I don't think it is a big deal for them to want to wear cute underwear. Try some cute bikinis or boyshort underwear. But please, mom, do talk to her about the messages she sends with what she wears. Keep up the good work mom! (02/27/2007)
By Kelly
Depending on the age, I think thongs are inappropriate for any girl under the age of 18. Why would your daughter want to show off her rear end to a bunch of girls anyway? I think this should send a red flag to you. You may want to dig a little deeper, it may be more about a boy. This is a sex ridden society, and unfortunately the media likes to targets the 13-18 age group. (02/28/2007)
By Andrea
If you really don't want her to wear thongs, buy a pair or two for yourself and let her know that you're wearing them--she wouldn't want to wear them then since you wear them! (02/28/2007)
By Sandy
My daughter did not like the idea of wearing granny knickers to school, so I went to the department store and had a look at what was available. I made a list and then took her with me. We made the compromise of the boy short pants. I am finding that as my daughters get older, that more discussion is needed and that I need to find out what is available in the stores that might work as a compromise. (02/28/2007)
By raewyn
I thought about this long and hard. We have a 6 1/2 year old my DH swears is going to be like his aunt and become a nun (he is that freaked out!). After going to dinner at a pizza parlor and seeing a girl not much older than 9 wearing high heels (wedge sandals) I decided to put in my 2 cents (you asked).
I think that society is sexualizing our kids (especially girls) WAY too early these days! You can get low cut bikinis for little girls as small as 4! Now WHY would you need low cut bikinis for a kid that size! It's so hard to find FLAT and FUNCTIONAL sandals for my daughter without there being a big heel (some as big as 1 1/2"). These kids run and play, they don't need heels to muck that up. There are cheesy and flirty little tops for kids out there, they have no business being on little girls.
Sorry to say but there are people out there that see that sexualization as an invitation to mess with our kids, it's a proven fact that some people can't see the lines of age when kids are dressed as adults.
It's hard enough to see girls that are in 4th grade getting breasts, this is the "norm" now. When I was in 5th grade (1982) there were only 2 of us. And it was awful to be singled out, but we were just early bloomers.
I second the poster that said put your foot down! Yep, there are battles to be fought and some to be put down, but letting your daughter dress older than she is, in my opinion, is a battle to fight. We're the parents, what we say goes, kids need us to be strong and parental, not weak and friends. (03/14/2007)
By Michawn
My daughter wears thongs. I am not concerned about this. It's not like anyone is seeing them except possibly other girls in a locker room. She is actually very modest, not wearing midriff-baring or low cut tops. She dresses very preppy. If a teenage girl is promiscuous or sending the "wrong" message there are far better indicators than wearing thongs. What I find offensive is boys showing the seat of their underwear, walking around in pants that are falling off of them. And girls wearing tops that show cleavage to school. Yuck! (03/17/2007)
By SusannL
I am 13 myself. This year I wanted to wear thongs really bad. I'm not sure why, I just did. My mom made a compromise with me. She got me a whole bunch of super cute boyshort and bikini underwear from American Eagle and Victoria's secret. Then she told me if I got straight A's all year she would get me one thong. I worked so hard all year and then I finally got one. It wasn't fancy or lacy and from the front it looked like regular panties. Now that I have it, it isn't really a big deal. I'm glad my mom made that deal with me because in the end I got what I wanted but I had to work for it. And I got good grades! (07/11/2007)
By A 13 Year Old
I have two daughters. My oldest couldn't care less. My younger daughter is 14 and got a pair somewhere. I told my wife to tell her NO, but my wife thinks it's okay silly girl stuff. I am a man and don't think it's so silly. I can't imagine what happens to a 14 year old boy who sees that little strap in back. Okay, I can imagine. I don't want my daughter to be the object of that, even if she is innocent. (08/25/2007)
By Worried Dad
She is a kid. Until she has her own job and her own house, you as her mother should have the say of what she is to wear. There are full fitting underwear that you can't see lines out there. It also comes back to "if all the kids jump off a bridge would you?" From a mother to a mother, if your gut says no, stick with it! (05/10/2008)
I'm fifteen. I started wearing thongs when I was 12 and found them very comfortable. However, recently there have been medical reports stating that thongs can be health risks. From being a swimmer and forgetting underwear for after practice, I got into the swing of not wearing underwear at all. Still don't.
Letting your daughter wear a thong isn't going to influence her to change her morals or values. She's at an age where she needs to begin looking for who she is and what she stands for. She'll screw up along the way, but it won't be because she's wearing a thong. (06/21/2008)
By Kaiti
First of all let her know, she is okay. Let her know that if anyone does not accept her for who she is, that is not a person she should have as a friend. Popularity and fame through her school years is not permanent. What is permanent and true is her feelings of who she really is. Her wearing thongs should not be a condition of whether she has self - confidence or not.
It's not up to her classmates or the school she goes to about what she wears. That needs to stay in the family and should stay to herself. I know I had to deal with bullies and liars in school. What hurts the most is finding out the people you thought were your friends are usually the ones who end up stabbing you in the back. I'm sorry people are still like that.
My sisters were hurt much the same way. I was always bullied by bullies and taped under prom posters and was stuffed in lockers for the clothes I wore. They were descent clothing, however when finally it came to graduation it was suggested that I highly leave town. I was no more welcome to Wenatchee, Washington. I was no longer accepted as an equal by my so called friends.
Kids in school don't realize when you treat someone bad. Karma life source has a way of paying people back. That I have seen in others life as well as my own. Good luck! It's not what you wear that matters. It's who she listens to. It's sounds like she has great parents. She should actually try to listen to them. (09/18/2008)
By Samuel N.
My daughter started to ask me to buy her thong panties last year, and she is 15 now. She claimed her shorts were short and so she needed to hide her panty line. I refused to buy thongs for her, but she persisted.
So finally I said, "You don't want panty lines, then don't wear panties." And I emptied her dresser of all her underwear. The next day when she was getting dressed for school and she realized all her panties were gone, she came screaming to me to give them back. But just to drive the message home, I didn't until the next day.
She felt so disgusting not having panties on all day (worrying that people would see her pee-pee dribbles) that she is only grateful now for her "granny-panties." (10/10/2008)
By Jamie
Let her know there are more important things to worry about. She is old enough to wear what she wants. (01/15/2009)
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I am 14 myself and I personally think that you should let them wear the type of underwear they want. Do you want your daughter to feel self concious and have more stress and anxiety? No, of couse you don't so why not just let them have one. The point is to just have no underwear lines. I get it if they are going to be inappropriate with it then on't let them but it's really rare that it's gonna happen. Your kids are right hen they tell you that they are being made fun of, or don't feel like everyone else. If they want it just get it for them it's just underwear you should be lucky this is all they want.
Personally, I started wearing thongs at 13, and i didnt ask my mom because i didnt feel comfortable or feel like it was nessisary for her to have any bussiness in what undies im wearing. Theyre nothing scandalous or inapropriate...I literally bought them at a clothing brand from the grocery store. I wear them for myself and myself only for the simple reason that I dont want lines showing through my leggings.
Hello! How did this turn out 12 years later? Do you look back and say that this worry was futile in the big scheme of things?
I saw that someone said that he took his daughter's underwear away, and that's totally not okay! That's like borderline abuse. Like what the fuck? It's just a thong. It's underwear.
I have a suggestion about most of this. One, how about calling you child anything but a kid, for calling a child a kid and treating them as a kid, that is what they become. Unruly child is a kid in the noun form. As some suggested, quit trying to teach your children you are the parent, they know this, don't have to remind them. Talk with them, as a person, not a dictator. I know this works. I never had children but, I have been close friends who have children both sexes. One thing they would point out and ask me is why their parents can not talk to them, as a person. I know a family I could get the 4 girls to do things, asking them once most times, where the mother for minutes on end could not. She would yell or whatever but never talk to them most times. Now on the thong issue, not every child is the same. The person that wrote thongs are for 18 year old and older, cause younger looks bad. I know plenty of younger teens that had the body of a 20 plus year old, would they look bad, don't know never saw them in their panties. Some adults don't wear thongs for the don't feel right, to sexy, don't look good in them and more. Same would go with children 8 to whatever age towards adult hood. I knew 2 people who wore thongs on occasions. One being a mid teen and up the other in her 40's. They both like how cool thongs were to wear in the summer. The teen had problems with pinching, I never asked where. Mom did not like her to wear them and dad stayed out of mom's decisions on girl things. I could afford to buy the family many things and would take them shopping, as no matter what their older daughter bought to wear, some panties would pinch her more or less but still pinch her. So, I had a person, 20 something young woman, help the teen with a couple thongs, to see if they could help her problem. Course they did for lack of material, mom did not like it much but went along just so she wore other panties too.
Life is to short to have problems with your children on an under garment, for sure children are adults in no time. I write to be the parent but be the person your child can talk with and learn from, not just what you think, you are not a perfect right all the time. Learn and talk with children, may find they can reason better than experts write or talk and they like being a person more than not. As one parent wrote in 2007, she went to learn all the wares her child could wear and took her shopping. Also, the persons, who wrote mainly so what if the child at school is teased, like 5 days of the week, I can write that it is a form of bullying and children have committed suicide or depression from that. I was teased in my early school years, it is not fun, more the children do not want to go to school and it hurts their being able to learn. More, should I do the same to any of you, I am sure you will not like it, more I am positive of that. So, what have I wrote about: treat your child as a person too, all children are different, listen to your child, and if they have a problem at school, do what it takes to help them out, to have a more learning and fun time being in the building of learning.
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