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Understanding an Abusive Spouse?

My now-ex, who I was with for almost 9 years, became very angry and abusive when I ended the relationship. He raised my daughter from 9 months old to almost 9 years of age and requested that we change her last name to his, and then spoke of adopting her.

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When I left him, he was only physically abusive once and refused to leave, I stuck it out another 5 years. Then I put my foot down because I just didn't love him anymore. He became very very angry and abusive. I'm unsure if he was abusive during the relationship or if it all began when I ended it.

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October 3, 20150 found this helpful

Are you asking a question, Jen? May I ask? "Abuse" can be subtle and I am by no means suggesting your ex treated you badly during the years you were together, but if you're not sure, think about the ways he referred to women. Was he respectful or derogatory? Did he put you down or was he appreciative of the things you did for him? Did he treat you, your daughter and other women with kindness?

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Surely he was angry more than once in those nine years, and not necessarily with you. Did he manage to control his temper at those times? I'm not suggesting giving him a pass for being abusive when you broke up with him after four years, but am curious as to why you stuck it out another five after that.

 

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October 4, 20150 found this helpful

It does not appear that you are asking a question so not sure why you have posted this.

Maybe you feel "guilty" about leaving him?
Maybe the real question is "why did you decide to leave him"?
You say you no longer loved him so maybe (if he had done nothing wrong) he was angry because he could not understand your "reasons" for leaving.

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Did you find someone new?
It appears that he loves your daughter and must have been a pretty good father or why would you let him adopt her? (assuming you did)

Maybe you should give your post another look and decide what it is you would like an answer (or help) to.

 

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