I have been married for 29 years now. I married my husband who was widowed with three young children, the oldest being 10yrs.
I have worked as a self employed child care provider for most of this 29 years as it was out of the question to work and have someone care for the children. I gave up my home and where I lived to move into this relationship.
During this time he has been verbally abusive on many occasions and is extremely jealous at this moment in time as my business is doing very well. The children arrive at my home as he is going to work and are gone by the time he returns home.
He came home last night ranting for no reason that he wants me "out" this is not my house and all my belongings too! He has told me to give all the children notice and to finish my business completely, then get out as he is just fed up of me!
I pay all of the utility bills, council tax, water rates, food, replacement of furniture, etc., including decorating.
I realise I am a mug, but care for the grand children on a daily basis too so their parents can work. Can he interfere with my profession/business like he says? Where do I stand?
By Debbie H
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If you live in a state with communal property laws, the house is 1/2 yours (but the same could be said for your business). I would check with abused women's services in your area on advice on this. I do not think he has the right to just kick you out, as you are a joint tenant - but if he may become violent, it might well be to get out of his way. Please seek advice.
There is something called Restraint of Trade which means he can't hinder your ability to support yourself, esp' when you business is successful. I would see the advice of an attorney, but in the meantime, if you feel you can safely stand your ground, and keep the children safe, do so.
Hello,
First - most likely you have just as much right (and maybe more) to stay in the home as your husband does. But if you move out, it will be more difficult to get back in.
The one thing that you do not want to happen (and could) is for your husband to return early and say things in front of the children. This could be serious as you are responsible for them and they should not be subjected to any sort of argument.
There are several things to consider (on your way to see an attorney):
Did you bring any money into your marriage (sale of house, etc)? Furniture? Auto? Children?
Have you kept any kind of records as to what you contribute toward household expenses? Who pays the mortgage? If you live in a community property state everything will 50/50 even your business.
Everything matters, especially time, so make your appointment with an attorney (they will see you after hours) and do not wait for something bad to happen.
Most people would love to see you receive all that is rightfully yours but only you can make this happen.
Just curious - where does his children stand in all of this?
Have they taken sides?
I would seek advice of any attorney and pull his bluff. I would not leave but I would put him out if any way possible.
My advice is See a lawyer for advice. I think that at least half of the assets or even more could be yours after 29 years he must have a reason for a mind change. I would look for what that reason is maybe someone else........I would not comply or fight with him without finding out what your legal rights are. You gave a lot of your life to help him with his children and you deserve some respect and praise for all you do in supporting the whole family. I hate that he is being such a low person to treat you like this. Remember find out the facts then with confidence find the way to move and continue your business somewhere else where you will be appreciated. Remember God does have an answer for you and cares for you. Work out what you can in peaceful manner, but when someone will not work out the problem or explain what the problem is , you may need to move on.
I don't know what your rights are where you live, but if you lived here in Saskatchewan and in Canada, the house and all other assets would be half yours, after 29 years of being married. Go to a lawyer right away. Do not move out, unless there is danger to yourself. If he doesn't want to live with you, let him be the one to move.
Look at the web sites that discuss Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I bet he is one. In any event your situation sounds dangerous for everyone involved - including the children. Immediately relocate your business and yourself to one of your children's homes temporarily while you re-situate and re-evaluate and consult with an attorney. My prayers are with you.
The above advice is good but I would also immediately...if not sooner ask your attorney about getting an order of protection against him. Do he say anything that could be taken as a threat? If so, tell the attorney and it can be used in the order of protection which can bar him from being in or coming near the house! Yes, the house he has lived in all this time! You can/and should have a locksmith change all the locks on the house, garage, cars, garage door opener any anything else with a key if you get the order of protection. Then...if he violates it in any way...even by calling, texting, showing up one time, call the police, make a report! Do it every time or a judge will not take you seriously! Even if the police act annoyed when they have to come over and over...too bad! That's their job! I should know, I'm a retired cop. They are supposed to come and they are supposed to keep their attitudes to themselves and if they don't call their supervisor. Anyway, best of luck. Oh and keep the doors and windows locked if you do get him out. Eventually hell get the message when he gets tired of paying legal fees and going to court! Don't give up and look for a battered woman's or abused woman's support group in your area. They have Lot's of great info and of course...support! By the way...verbal abuse is just as bad, sometimes worse than physical abuse...get out while you can! Also, your kids might take different sides, so may other family members but don't let that influence your choices. They aren't there day to day feeling like crap when he demeans you and makes you feel like you're worthless! Well you're not worthless you're AMAZING, STRONG,BEAUTIFUL,INTELLIGENT AND YOU WILL DO WONDERFUL THINGS IN THE FUTURE AS YOU HAVE IN THE PAST! HE'D HAVE NOTHING BUT FOR YOUR EFFORTS AND HARD WORK SO EXPECT HIM TO FIGHT HARD!!,
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