I have been married for one and a half years and I just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a month ago.
Previously, my ex husband (5 years) cheated on me with so many other women that it almost lead me towards suicide, despite my Christian upbringing I attempted this. I could not bear to face my family's great disappointment. Finally, it ended up in a divorce, as things would not improve between us.
About a year later, I met this young gentlemen, who showed so much love, respect, and hope that I decided to get married again. But sadly, it turns out to be a nightmare worse than ever before. As I found out later, that this man is so incorrigible that when he gets mad even for the slightest thing, he screams such utter filth that I can't believe my ears. Not only that he has hit me and hammered me many times which I have kept to myself as I am ashamed to tell my parents that my second marriage is also a disaster. He starts saying evil things about my parents and say the dirtiest things about them, which hurt me the most. My mother passed away a few months ago, and even while she was hospitalized he was calling my mom a whore and wanted her to die soon. Even at the funeral he was not supportive at all. I am from a respected family and I have been brought up in a spiritual way, as my dad is a pastor you could imagine the rest. I don't know what to do. Please advise me.
I am confused as I am a mother of a child now, secondly I don't want to be in divorced state again and thirdly when he cools down he comes and apologizes and always makes it up to me.
I wish my mother was there to guide me as she is the only one who I could open up to.
By Maya
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You MUST leave for you and your child's sake! The sooner the better. There must be domestic violence centers wherever you are. Then get counseling and don't look for someone else to fill your needs.
My sister went through something very similar, Maya, and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, too. Unfortunately, my sister endured it for several years, but she finally left when she realized she didn't want her daughters (two of them) to grow up thinking it was normal for men to beat women. Your choice, I guess: find the courage (and local resources) to make the step for yourself as well as your child, or stay and perpetuate the cycle.
Wishing you every success,
Rose Anne
I agree, you have to find a way leave him. Staying with him is a bad role model for your daughter. But I have to say don't put yourself in the same situation again. One year after a bad marriage is not enough time to remarry.
Learn to take care of yourself financially and emotionally; no matter how long it takes. Only then should you consider another marriage. At that time your self esteem will rise and you won't be choosing or even attracting a man that treats you less that you deserve.
Deep down, you know what you should do. And that is leave as soon as you can. It won't be easy, but you must find help - from your family, from a women's shelter, from a friend, or wherever, and leave. Abusers do not change. And their apologies are worth nothing.
Look to your inner self. You are a good person. You said your father is a pastor. Go to your father and explain the situation. Do it for you and your baby. He should be able to help you out of this. If not, there are shelters where you can stay and get help in making a new life for the two of you.
There is absolutely no reason a woman and mother needs to endure the life your husband subjects you to. Do not ever feel ashamed that people will think you made a bad choice twice. That should matter not at all. You may have made a bad choice, but who among us have not done so as well... remember who said "He who is without sin cast the first stone". You should know that with your father being a pastor, f need be when you ask your father for help, remind him of that. Go forth and make a new life for you and your baby. God be with you. Love, Grandma
I am so sorry you are in this painful situation. Many of us have been. I am happy to hear you have a beautiful daughter, one of lifes' greatest blessings. I know you want a peaceful home for her to grow up in, so she can become all she is meant to be.
Your husband has many tough lessons ahead of him. His apologies do mean nothing. When one apologizes sincerely they change the behavior that caused the problem, they do not turn around an do it again. He is taking advantage of you because you are a caring person. He will not change.
I know it is hard to understand that some men will just throw away a relationship and a family rather than change their behavior. But there are so many that have. They are not capable of being half of a relationship. You are capable, and you are the one who will provide the home your daughter needs. For those who will judge you because you are divorced, just know you have chosen the right path for you and your daughter, and some people are just dense.
Begin to put your new life together now. Get some advice from a battered womens' shelter, so you and your daughter stay safe. Don't forget you are doing the right thing for you and your daughter. That is never anything to be ashamed of. Bless you.
I hope you left him. It is hard but harder if they are abusive. People are judgemental but you have just been unlucky. You have every right to follow your own happiness. Love and power to you.
A man is to love his wife as he loves himself. This man's behavior does not match up to God's statement. Your father would be sadly disappointed after years of helping others and not knowing the flesh and blood of his own is in need of dire help and hasn't been able to assist because you haven't sought out help from him. Ask your father and begin here to end this cycle of abuse. Trust your father and you take action; don't wait for someone to do this for you. Once you've come clean with this family problem with someone you trust, you will find relief. Talking it out with another really does help.
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