I know this request doesn't have anything to do with being thrifty BUT. i work at a doctors office. I love my job, the patients, etc. but the office manager is sometimes really nice and then flip the coin and what can I say... she isn't nice.
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Insecure people can be VERY passive aggressive, especially when they feel threatened.
You LOVE your job, don't leave because of one nasty you have to deal with...you'll find them in every job you will ever have!
I can't say that I have had this experience with a boss, but I did with a doctor of mine. He was very nasty one day and I flat out told him that if he wanted me to leave and see another doctor that I would. I, also, think that I asked if he actually intended to be as rude as he was coming across. Boy, the wind blew about in the room as he turned around and did a 180 degree turnabout and started groveling and apologizing. Once I brought his behavior to his attention, he changed quickly. I wouldn't do this with a boss unless you had your foot firmly in another position or could handle the fallout, ie being fired and the loss of income.
In my younger days I worked at a restaurant .Living in a small town you pretty much know,or get to know your customers pretty quickly.When he hired me he STRESSED to be friendly to the customers.Anytime he'd see me talking to one he'd ship me off to do some piddly chore and it became obvious the old GROUCH really only wanted their business and anything beyond"May I take your order" was taboo.One afternoon I'd had enough--I finished my chores to leave for the day --and I asked him for a few minutes of his time.I told him in no uncertain terms just how I felt about it all.I said I had never--nor would I ever again work for a boss so unsensitive to his employees.He apologized.However I didn't stay.After he'd lost MANY employees--as well as customers he realized maybe he did need an attitude adjustment.Believe it or not-he's a lot friendlier old man today,but now he works at a Funeral Home,LOL.Guess those people don't talk back to him!!Sometimes people need to have their attitude called to their attention.One lesson I've learned in life I am NO BETTER than anyone but I AM EQUAL!!!
You could be dealing with a person who has a personality disorder. I suggest getting a small recorder & recording what you can & when you can. In this state you can report someone like this to employment agencies if you have documented proof. It is a shame that there are people like this who manage to get into supervisory positions. It is always best to document all negative events, dates, times. etc.
Sounds like a Dr Jeckyl Miss Hyde type of person. Maybe she is moody and her disposition changes at the drop of a hat depending on her mood. I have a sister in law like that. You can never really be sure how she'll treat you because one minute she can be so sweet and the next she's mean and hurtful! Maybe you can just ignore her.
I guess just about everyone has had a 'Boss from Hell" in their careers....it's just the law of averages. Your boss is not likely to change, at least any time soon, so my advice is, find another job.
Sandy, my heart just goes out to you. I am a trainer for my organization and the number one request we get for professional development classes is how to deal with demanding, angry supervisors and horrible co-workers. So, you are definitely not alone in your situation. It's sad to me that people in positions of management just don't "get it." They have no concept of the golden rule.
Here are just a few things I thought of after I read your post:
First, I agree with Nancy's & Dee's advice-- start to document these occurences and situation. This is good because when and if you do need to confront this person or take some sort of action you will have logical, reasonable arguments. It will prevent a totally emotional debate or argument (and I cry when I get angry so I've been there done that. Should have written it down!!) :)
Second, does your office manager have a supervisor? If her behavior gets to be so aggressive or unbearable that it's affecting your job performance...then you need to bring it up to the next level. Maybe this has been an ongoing problem with this woman and her bosses don't know about it. Maybe they do and this will be the straw that breaks that camel's back. If it's not really affecting how well you get the job done, then I'd say it's something you need to try and work out between the both of you (like previous posters mentioned). But if you are unable to do your job effectively because of her hostility or behavior then that's HER BOSS'S problem as well.
Something else I heard recently that I've liked but haven't had the chance to try yet is to say to someone who's behaving badly: "Is there something I did to upset you...or is it just one of those days?" Say it kindly and not sarcastically. This will throw the ball back in her court and force her to take ownership for her behavior (kind of like what Nancy was talking about). Often when you stand up for yourself in a non-defensive way, it will really throw the other person. But I know it's hard to do because I'm a people pleaser, too. Man, is it hard.
Last thing I thought of: remember...there are other jobs out there that you will enjoy. There are other offices with great patients, doctors, and coworkers. There are other jobs where you can make the difference and feel good about what you are doing. You don't have to stay somewhere with an abusive, temperamental supervisor. It's so hard to make the leap to stand up for yourself...but so worth the while.
Sorry for the long email. I must be in one of those moods today. Good luck to you and keep your chin up!!
I am a manger in a Drs Office, I came from another job of 15 years. What I found in General, is the politics in a Drs Office are incredible. I suggest not confronting this woman, if you need to keep your job. You cant change people, you can only change yourself. I strongly suggest you do not let her know she intimidates you , however when she is pushing your buttons, respond to her in a very positive professional manner, and dont waver, if you are a pleasant/ people person, dont change, just strengthen yourself, if she is nasty start with "I apologize, and continue your comment, when she is friendly accept her kindness. Make her your best friend with your confidence, give her profesional compliments, when she gives you criticism, accept with Thank you, I appreciate that, Ill put that to use. etc etc, I could give you a lot of pointers, pray a lot the bible says be meek, not weak, but that doesnt mean to be a doormat or a confronter!!! I also strongly advise you NOT to share yor opinions of her with any coworkers or Docs, simply for the fact that you will be highly amazed at those closest to you, who will repeat everything you say.. If you are already in this situation, just stop today, and go no further. Good luck to you,
Ha...Dee is pretty much on target. I feel this grumpy person is jealous of your personality. She sounds a bit insecure as well. Just smile, it will drive her buggy ! I had a co-worker that would not speak to me, no matter if I spoke to her or not. The others said to ignore her. She really thought she was who she was. Guess what? She ended up getting fired ! Oh happy day....you reap what you sow.
I too am a people pleaser who has lived feeling guilty because people like her could never be won by my sweet, non confrontational person. I just read a book that really allowed me to see how unhealthy this is. Depression can result down the road and eating to comfort the soul is also only another thing to feel guilty about over time. Get a copy of Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I thought it was the Christian thing to do to always tolerate this type of manipulation she is using. I also learned to not "react" but "act". This really takes away their power over you. Disengage when she demands you reveal your private business. In other words, use any reason to not respond. Walk away to another area, ignore her, take control of the confrontation by choosing not to discuss what she is setting you up for. This really works. We are not junk. People treat us the way we allow them to. She needs to have an awakening and you may be doing her the greatest favor. Have posture. She can only thrive given your permission to be rude, controlling and inconsiderate. You will feel better about yourself and she will respect the boundaries you set up eventually. These peole cannot be changed by you. You can only change yourself. She must become uncomfortable with herself before she will want to change. Know this, she is insecure herself and does this to hide her own insecurity from others.She is only empowered when she can get away with what she is doing because you allow her. You are not a doormat. You can only love others as you love yourself.
Been there, done that and GOT THE T-SHIRT! Get out! I am not advocating running from your problems, but there are other great places to work. Trust me I know! Get out! Uh...did I say leave yet?
My job is so much sweeter now...the pressure and tension is not on me like it once was. Leave peaceably and wait for the next person to get your job and she will miss you! You will create more work for her cuz she will have to train again. My replacement is AWFUL and all of my former co workers say she is so sorry that I left! TOUCHE! Find another job...don't live like that.
Truly, she sounds like she has a mental problem WAY above insecurity. People who flip their attitudes quickly from super sweet to super NASTY have been known to be bi-polar. I would be willing to BET that is what is wrong with her! LEAVE! You can never win with someone like that. HAd a boss that was bi-polar and went from those extremes. Miserable place to work. You never knew, driving in to work, what your day was going to be like. THe boss always sets the tone of the workplace and when they have mental issues it is a HARD place to work! Good luck...take care of yourself and try to deflect the mental abuse until you can find someplace else to work.
I had to deal with a boss like this and it really brought me down!
I found that I had to remind myself consistently to not take it personal and not allow other people to control my emotions.
I placed QTIPS through out my office and in various locations, to remind me; Quit Taking It Personal: Q.T.I.P.
It was fun when she asked what the QTIPS were for, my own little private joke inside, that worked for me.
Keep a record. Good days, bad days. Mark the calander.
Is it daily? When she quips, politely say,"I don't know how to take your comments? I want to do a good job, so please let me know if I'm doing something wrong." Some people have weird humor or bad past employees or really think they're funny.
Is it "certain days". Well if you're tracking it you'll be ready for it. A friend of ours used to be in such a position and his wife started keeping track. After 2 months she told him to be ready for his manager to be having a bad day, he came home and said, How'd you know that?!", she just smiled and showed him the calander. Sorry girls, it happens.
On the other point, find something besides food or shopping to comfort you. Talk to a friend, talk to God, exercise, listen to easy music, write in a journal. But food and shopping is only punishing yourself in the long run. And learning how to deal with life when it gets hard is what thrifty really is all about.
Hi Sandy,
It really is annoying to work with someone like that and it can be difficult to deal with them.
If each day as you are going to work you are ready to deal with this person being nasty, by having decided in advance how you will respond to them then you are less likely to be annoyed.
So, if you decide that as long as they are nice you will be nice too, but if they cross the line and say something unacceptable then nice and loudly but in a nice tone, just say 'Pardon?' This way you will draw the attention of others and she is less likely to repeat it, so you win. If she does repeat it, purposely misunderstand her, let on you thought she said something nice, thank her for her interest or whatever and she will be the one annoyed.
Secretly you will be smiling at getting the upperhand and so you can leave work in a better mood.
Or my fathers favourite was to totally disregard what the person said and make a comment about the weather.
I would also agree with marking your calendar with the days she is mean so that if there is a pattern then you will be ready for her.
If it's possible though you should look for a new job where you can be yourself and enjoy every aspect of your job.
Good luck.
Book to recommend: Coping with Difficult People (go to Amazon or Barnes n Noble, and look in the Used department, it's plentiful.)
Another one: The Color Code, four personality types and how to get along with them.
You are praying for her?
To calmly say "I don't deserve that', or 'Please don't talk to me like that', steadily day after day, will eventually turn the faucet of poison off.
God bless you! thanks for putting your post up. Nobody deserves a sanity-shredder like that.
Different point of view here.
I worked for several different physicians for over 20 years and was a manager of an office for over 16 years. Normally, I got along with all the employees. There was one though that was incompetent, naive, and plain spoiled--I later found she had been let go from her previous two jobs for the same reasons. She thought she knew more than anyone else and would do what she wanted to do, not her job. She constantly made it her job to find different ways to do things, and was hurt when told to do things as she had been ordered. It never occurred to her that we tried all those ways previously and found they failed miserably. We had reasons for our system. It had been tested and retested, and worked beautifully. Our patient treatment record was one of the best in the state, our patients were happy and referred us to others because of it, and our office ran accurately and smoothly. We set up other offices and trained their personnel because of patient request. Yet, she spent her time neglecting her job and trying to change things to her way. I politely reminded her several times that she was getting paid to do a job and it would not be indefinitely tolerated--others were getting upset having to continually cover her job; the doctor was upset not having proper equipment for procedures; patients were upset having to wait for her to decide whether she felt like doing her job or not. She was rude and arrogant and did it with a polite smile. She believed that she was doing nothing wrong, that she was trying to help us. Chaos followed her. Quite frankly, she never learned that when you get hired for a job, you must take direction from someone in authority, you don't simply do what you want. Every time I tried to teach her something new, she constantly took what I said out of content and twisted it to mean something different. Her goal was to get everyone on her side as opposed to some unknown that was in the office. Worse yet, she flirted continually with the men in the office to the point that it made other employees and patients extremely uncomfortable. She looked in patient charts for personal information that she had no business knowing. She claimed that she knew her job, but thought she had the right to pick what part she wanted to do when she wanted to do it. If someone asked her to do what she was getting paid to do, she threw a tissy fit. The very day she left, we all breathed a sign of relief. The entire atmosphere at work changed for the better. As Office Mgr, I blamed myself--that I hired her, that I continually tried to work with her (she was young and inexperienced), and that I allowed so much time lapse before she was let go. It's funny, after removing someone like this, how patients come out of the woodwork with stories--none pleasant.
My point is, take an accurate look at what you are doing that may be contributing to the problem before throwing stones. You may be surprised at what you see.
She sounds schizoid! Just line up another job, give notice and get out. Life is WAY too short to subject yourself to that sort of neurotic and destructive behavior. You'll make yourself sick if you stay there.
Good luck.
I am also dealing with a very nasty boss. He belittles me in front of staff and customers. I don't know what else to do. I started documenting all of the events that go on. Sometime I lose myself and I fight back. I know that it is not right. He differently has different personality going on. This man can do a 360 less than a in minutes. He has told one of the staff members that he does take medication. It has be for personality disorder. I do ignore him when he talks about me when I am right there. Can someone please give me some other advise. I am about to loss it.
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