Ten More Commandments Of Dealing With The Blind

Back, by popular demand, here are a few more tips for sighted folk dealing with blind people:

One: Don't Be Afraid, I'm Still Me

Okay, I grant you this: that drunk driver changed a lot about my life, but he didn't change who I really am. First and most important, I still love God. I also have the same quirky, dry sense of humor I always had. I'm still the biggest bookworm I know, although my reading method has changed (more about that another time.) I still insist on watching "Jeopardy" in peace, six days a week if I can get it. Some things are different. The core of who I am is the same.

Two: Don't Pity Me. I Don't

Doesn't your heart ache when you look at some poor, helpless soul? That isn't me. I did go through a "bad patch," as the English would say. During that time, I needed all the help I could get. Pity, on the other hand, doesn't help anyone. It only makes you and the object of your pity both sad and weak. Save your energy for something more practical, thanks.

Three: Don't Underestimate My Abilities

I've lost count how many people seem genuinely surprised that I can do even simple tasks, just because I'm blind. I admit, there are things I can't do anymore, like drive. But the list of things I can do is long and growing longer. Yes, I take care of my personal needs, including washing and dressing my own hair. Yes, I choose my own clothes, with occasional color confirmation. I'm probably safer in the kitchen than hubby, and am better at planning meal prep. I get raves over my Jiffy-mix cornbread, lol! Obviously, I can and do use my computer; more about that later. Suffice it to say, I'm far from helpless!

Four: Don't Do Too Much For Me

The issue of "how much help is too much" is one of my pet peeves. When you see a blind friend, coworker or family member "miss the mark" and butter his paper towel instead of his toast, don't snatch it away and butter it for him. That will not only make him more dependent, it will damage his self esteem. It'll probably also make him insufferably lazy! Because I work, believe it or not, I've gotten into the lazy habit of letting hubby do most of the cooking. I know I'm bound to regret that someday, probably sooner rather than later!

Five: When I Genuinely Need Help, Don't Hesitate

There are skills I haven't learned yet. Hubby knows I'm not brave enough to iron my own clothes yet, for example. Because we have pet dogs, I rely on a human sighted guide when I venture into the world outside our door. My ideal sighted guide notices and warns me of obstacles and compensates for my poor balance on curbs. Hubby got kudos from me the last time we went out because instead of dragging me along (lol), he led me to banisters and let me make my own way.

Six: Don't Be Too Impressed. It Isn't Magic, It's Focus

Do blind people have supernatural abilities in their other senses? Nope. When I'm not focused, I can miss as much as anyone. Since the loss of most of my vision, however, I've learned to shift information-gathering to my other senses. Oftentimes that includes what some would call my "sixth sense." You can still sneak up on me sometimes, but not often!

Seven: Of Course My Memory is Better Than Yours

My husband once asked the president of my National Federation of the Blind (NFB) chapter how she remembers so many facts, calendar events, etc. She answered simply, "I have no choice." He was also impressed at how much of my original "Ten Commandments of Dealing with the Blind" speech I recalled. When you, as a sighted person, give a speech, you can glance at notes; whether on a notebook, printed page, or (like Sarah Palin,) on your hand.

My visual impairment has robbed me of that ability,and I find it difficult to listen to a recorded note and speak well simultaneously. My memory hasn't improved because I wanted it to, necessarily. I've simply had no choice. I'm frankly glad for the increased skill level. You would be, too.

Eight: Don't Be Afraid to Go Out in Public with Me

Even without most of my sense of sight, I'm still acutely conscious of the importance of appearance. If, for example, you and I went to dinner together, I promise not to gross you out by doing something embarrassing or with sub-par table manners. While said table manners probably aren't nearly as refined as folks who've been blind all their lives, they're not heinous. My sister-in-law balked at eating in public with me recently. Specifically, she voiced concern that I'd knock my drink glass into her lap. Thankfully for all of us, I managed to avoid that humiliation (whew!)

Nine: Describe Things to Me

I'll love it. In the seven years since losing most of my sight, there are a lot of things I've missed seeing. Sunsets, rainbows, and faces are tops on that list. Instead of saying "He's handsome" or "She's beautiful"; why not tell me "He's about 6 foot tall, with curly dark hair." or "She's short and slim, with long, straight, strawberry-blond hair." And PLEASE don't just tell me, "there's a chair over there." I can't SEE where the chair is, for goodness' sake! Try instead, "There's a chair a couple of steps ahead of you and a little to your right." Best of all, you're welcome to take me by the hand and lead me to that chair. Place my hand on the back; I'll do the rest.

Ten: Please Understand My Need to Touch a Solid Object

Here, at the end of this list, we come to one of my major pet peeves. If you're leading me somewhere and have to step away from me, PLEASE don't just drop my hand and leave me standing in open space with nothing to touch. Since I don't see what's around me, I'll feel as if I'm in the middle of a wasteland, devoid of all solid objects.

That's an INTENSELY uncomfortable feeling! We blind folks have something called the "anchoring instinct." That is, we're MUCH more comfortable when we can "anchor" ourselves in space by touching something solid. A wall will do, if nothing else is readily available. I'm not clinging to you because I'm trying to get freaky, I promise!

Thanks for your kind attention. I sincerely hope you've gained some insight into what blind people really go through. Perhaps it'll help you feel more comfortable next time you're faced with anyone different from you, in whatever way.

By Lelia Jo Cordell from Springfield, OH

Editor's Note: Please share your own experiences with us in the feedback.