I have been married for one year and I have a son, not by him. I have moved into my husband's house with his son and daughter. It started three weeks after we got married. He just starts yelling at me if he does not like what I ask him. He has gotten in my face and chased me into the bathroom and raised his hand to me, but did not hit me.
Whatever the kids do, I am wrong and they are right. His son who is 21, wrote me a note and called me a dumb ass in the note. His son told his dad to divorce me. His son and my son had a fight with words and ever since then his son won't have anything to do with my son or me. I don't know what to do? I do not want to be treated like this, when he is nice he is really nice, but when he is mean I can not take it.
By Ann
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Avoid further attachment to this complicated Dr. Jekyl and Dr. Hyde syndrome this man has formed. Get out quickly and don't let on you're leaving. Verbal abuse can lead into hitting on you and your son too especially if he tries to defend you. You can raise your son on your own without his help and being subjected to this type of abuse long term is damaging. He's good at what he's doing and is playing on your emotions and his son is doing the same with you and your son.
It's a copycat syndrome; both of you leave. As far as feeling sorry for that man's son, he does need help from his father's damaging behavior toward his wife. Let the law take care of that, but don't you stay in this mess. It's only going to tear you down and you won't be much use for you or your son who needs an outlet if you remain involved.
I have been married almost three years and all we do is fight. If I ask him where he is going or what did you do today he thinks I'm accusing him of something. I get screamed at and yelled at. I have been call horrible names and called crazy and told I need help. In the last few days it's gotten worse. He told me the other day he was fat and no one is attracted to him anymore, then changed it to well your no attracted to me..
When you have no place to go what are you suppose to do
To begin with adult kids should be on their own. I would leave him, at this stage you don't have that much invested in the marriage, so take your things and leave. You might have to some planning, so that you can leave when he and his kids aren't there and so that you have someplace to go.
Marriage is hard enough but throw kids into the picture and sometimes it's next to impossible. It sounds like his 21 year old son comes before you and that's a battle you probably cannot win. Nice one minute and verbal the next sounds like there may be alcohol involved. Get out because with two men being abusive someone can likely get hurt.
Get out of the relationship now. It is only going to get worse and your self esteem will go to zero. Don't be a captive to these misfits.
Run, do not walk to the nearest exit. But plan when and where carefully. And don't go back; he is not going to change. You do NOT want your son to learn that this is the way to treat women. Pick a time to leave when no one of his family is there; you can hide some preparation as cleaning closets, etc. Read the other posts on this--it is all good advice.
Tell him you are interested in making the marriage work but if he continues treating you this way you will have to make other arrangements. This is
Dump the jerk and file for child support. He's not worth a lifetime of misery. I didn't read the whole story. He would be out on his butt if it were me.
Leave now. Life is too short to put with crap like that. You are a good person who deserves love and respect and right now you are getting neither. Pack up & leave, go to the courthouse & start divorce proceedings (you can do the paperwork yourself), change your phone number and have a great life without this jerk.
Please take my advice and leave him. You deserve better than that, and it isn't going to magically go away. He will keep on doing it, and if he has even raised a hand at you, who knows what he will do next.
If not for your own sake, at least for your son's sake, you need to get you and your son away from this guy and his son. Your son learns how to live from the adults in his life, and this is not how you want him to learn to treat women. Furthermore, his own self-esteem is at stake and it is unfair to him for so many reasons for you to stay with this guy. It would take me forever to list all the ways in which staying in this relationship could (and likely will) damage him.
You also deserve better (and you will do better, I promise, after you get out of there). I know you said that when he's nice (the husband), he's really nice, but you shouldn't have to pay such a steep price (your right to be respected) for that occasional kindness.
In a decent relationship, your partner will be nice to you and respect you, and it's not too hard to find, but you'll never find it while your with this guy, and it would certainly be better to be alone than to have this jerk and his jerk kid ganging up on you and your son all the time. Anyhow, there is a lot of free counseling out there and I strongly urge you to seek it out (and don't tell the husband!), a counselor can help you get out of the relationship safely.
Search the internet for resources in your area (make sure to delete your search history) & I believe there are hotlines in the front of the telephone book you can call for direction. Also, some areas have it so that you can call 211 and get info on your local resources. Good luck to you!
Run, Ann, run. This is a verbally abusive family system and it's not going to change. If you don't have money to get your own place call shelter for women and children and work on your feet. File for a divorce and get an attorney (even if you have to make payments to pay for it) so you don't have to have any contact. Change your number. No contact at all. Ask attorney to file for maintenance support. Get away before it gets worse. You can't change the entire family, on ly yourself. This is not an environment to raise your child. I know how sweet they can be at times. Personality disordered people are like that. Take your power back. Best wishes to you.
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