Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."
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Quite funny!
A young man went to have his first checkup at a doctor's office. Before seeing the doctor, a nurse handed the man a small bottle and said to him, "Here is a specimen bottle, please urinate in the bottle and hand it to me when you're finished." Rapidly he returned out of the room, handed the specimen bottle to the nurse. She took one look at the bottle and asked him "What is this inside the bottle?" He said, "You asked me to urinate into it, so I spit in it." The nurse began laughing and said, "NO, not spit - urine." He asked her, "What does urine mean?" She continued laughing and then told him what it was.
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